Still at Jack’s House
Some time has passed, and Andie, who is sitting to the right of Joey at the kitchen table, listens to Joey as she recounts some of the road trip that she and Dawson had taken.
“So, that’s when we almost got lost,” she continues on as Andie catches Pacey out of the corner of her eye getting up from the table. Andie nods her head at Joey as if she is listening but Joey realizes that Andie’s attention span has just been broken by Pacey´s exit from the room. Joey stops talking for a moment, “Is he okay?” Joey asks concerned about Pacey, who in the last ten minutes seems to have become really quiet.
“He seems to have a lot on his mind these days. He’s quiet...a bit too quiet. I asked him about it on our way here, but he seemed to just brush it off, saying there that we could talk about it later,” Andie turns her head towards the doorway of the kitchen as she says that to Joey. ”I know that there is something he wanted to tell me, but he still hasn’t yet.” There is a pause before she continues. “I’m going to go talk to him.”
Joey nods her head, watching Andie get up and disappear through the door, going to find Pacey. Then she turns to the rest of the group, who are engaged in some conversation, to find Dawson’s eyes. She smiles at him and he smiles back as the scene fades to the hall, then to the living room…
“There you are.”
Pacey looks up from fishing through the pockets of his coat to see Andie standing in the doorway.
“Yeah. I’m trying to find what I brought for Amy,” he says as he goes back to once again looking through his pockets.
Andie moves closer so that she is now standing next to him looking down as he continues to find what he is looking for. She notices that his hands are shaking a bit and wonders why.
“I can’t find it!” He states rather loudly, the frustration evident in his voice as he picks up the bag and rather forcefully places it on the ground. Andie calmly takes his hand.
(“Climb on” by Shawn Colvin starts playing in the background)
”Let’s sit,” she says as she sits down on the couch waiting for him to join her. Pacey stares down at her and knows that out of anyone in the world, she is the only one he would talk to about this, but he still hesitates slightly.
Oh, my soul
Sometimes we don’t know what to do
We work so hard
Being tough on our own
But now it’s me and you
Let’s give it up
Sad bones
’cause we all fall on hard times
But you don’t have to stand up all alone
Just put your hand in mine
“Come on. You told me over the phone that you wanted to talk about something but you have been pushing it away, and I think this is the moment,” Andie says.
He sits down next to her, running his hand through his hair, then rests it against the back of his neck as he looks down, then sideways at Andie, who takes his hand in hers.
“Your hands are shaking,” she hardly whispers, and Pacey nods his head.
“I just don’t want to disappoint you, and maybe after what I’m about to say, after what I might be forced to do... you will. Just Pacey Witter dropping the ball once more...I mean, I’ve been looking at the people in that kitchen for a while now, and you all know what you’re doing. You all are right in the place where you want to be, while my life seems to be crumbling down once again”.
“Pacey, no,” Andie states firmly. “You really need to stop seizing yourself for the measures of the rest of the people around you. Plus, I’m sure that if you scratched a little below the surface, you would be surprised at what you would find. There are always these little thing than no one else but ourselves can know about. So, despite how it seems, I don’t think that all of us really are where we want to be. And it has to be that way, because if we really had everything figured out at 25...well, where’s the fun in that?”
Pacey seems to be pondering her words, as well as the fact that all the anxiety of the teenage Andie seems to have vanished, leaving a confident woman in its place.
“And no, I won’t be disappointed by whatever it is that you have to do. If there is something I am certain of, is that you could never disappoint me. You never did,” she smiles sweetly at him and he thinks that she is wrong. She is so wrong. However, maybe this is not the moment to talk about it.
Climb on
A back that’s strong
Hey hey
You can git’ what you want
Climb on
A back that’s strong
“So let’s start again. What is the problem?”
“I feel like I’m watching the person I used to be and it isn’t a very pretty picture,” he speaks softly, not tearing his eyes from hers, determined to face the situation.
“So you can see that now. I mean, see the person that you used to be, but you aren’t that person anymore and you know it, right?” Andie speaks firmly and Pacey nods his head. “You know that realizing what you are doing is half the battle. The other part is taking steps to change, and you’ve done that as far as I know, haven’t you?.”
“I have. I think I have, but… You know I’ve been working with Danny Brecher in New Orleans and it gets really hard at times watching the person that you admire professionally but is a creep when it comes to women. He must not think very highly of himself if he has to do those kinds of things to them,” Pacey shakes his head.
“Well then you’ve changed. You aren’t like Danny anymore. Do you think it had something to do with you not being very confident when it came to women?. And if so, that is in the past. Look at you now, though. You have been successful with your business and have carved out a nice life for yourself, and don’t tell me it was because of Joey. You did it, Pacey. You and only you.” Andie uses her pointer finger to poke him in the chest playfully, causing him to laugh lightly, then smile.
“There’s the smile of the boy that I fell in love with and the man that I will always have as my friend,” she squeezes his hand, which she has continued to hold as they’ve talked.
If you could save me
A place in heaven
With a clean well-lighted room
I’ll muscle up to armageddon
And I’ll wave to you darlin’
Be home soon
“You’re right. I guess I was like that. I was insecure when it came to women and sex, and maybe that is what pushed me to have one affair after another, always wondering if I had been good enough. And even… even with my girlfriends I was like that,” he remembers now with shame the way he questioned Joey after their first night together on their morning after. But he also remembers how he never had to do that with Andie. “Except you,” he says then, turning to her and realizing how close their faces really are.
For a moment, Andie is taken aback by him not only remembering that, but also mentioning it out loud. It seems so… weird to talk to him about that time. That time where in the few weeks they had been together after taking such a big step for her, his hands were so familiar to her skin. It is something that seemed to have happened so long ago. And it did, actually. As in another lifetime.
And if you could show me
The story of love
I would write it
Again and again
And then you could be
The woman you need
If you just let me be
The man that I am
She smiles back at him, leaning her temple on the back of the sofa as he is doing, their foreheads almost touching.
Pacey looks at her with warmth in his eyes and for a moment, neither of them speak.
“You always know exactly what to say to me, McPhee. So thank you.”
Pacey watches Andie’s expression as her eyes return the same warmth that his have gleaming in them.
‘I guess the reason I know what to say to you is because I’ve always known the person that you have become. It just took awhile for you to get to know that person too,” Andie assures him.
“I think I always knew the person you could become, too. And I think I haven’t told you this just yet, but I’m also proud of you, McPhee. I mean, look at you. Almost a doctor. And a damn good one. I’m sure of that,” he states firmly smiling at her.
Climb on
A back that’s strong
Hey hey
You can git’ what you want
Climb on
A back that’s strong
“Thanks” she says, her eyes bright. “It´s been a long journey.”
“And I would like to hear everything about it.”
“Maybe someday.”
“Yeah...someday.”
They hear chairs being moved around in the kitchen, causing them both to break the gaze that they have shared for the last few seconds.
“I need to find what I brought for Amy,” he says as he coughs, once again grabbing on to his bag, finally pulling out something wrapped in pretty pink foil from one of his inside pockets. “I suppose she’ll be more interested in the pink foil than what it is,” he chuckles causing Andie to as well, “but anyway.”
Oh, I don’t know
Sometimes we try too hard to see
But we got one down now
One more to go
That’s when you say
To me
He stands up and so does Andie, but before he can move away from him she leans in and places a soft kiss on his cheek, then pulls back.
“I’m proud of you, Pacey. I want you to know that.”
He smiles and closes his eyes for a brief minute then opens them to look once again at Andie.
“We were wondering what happened to the two of you,” a voice says from behind Andie.
“We were just talking,” she smiles at Pacey, who smiles back and nods is head. Then she turns around to face Dawson, who is standing not too far away. “But I should get back,” Andie motions towards the kitchen.
“Yeah. Jack and Audrey just left to pay a visit to Amy before lunch, and Joey said that she hadn’t finishing telling you about something and she wanted to finish talking to you, so you know...” Dawson jokes.
Climb on
A back that’s strong
Hey hey
You can git’ what you want
Climb on
A back that’s strong
Andie smiles and begins to leave the room, but not before she stops and turns around to smile at Pacey one last time and he does the same. Dawson just stands there, feeling as if he should be anywhere else but here.
Still the living room at Jack’s house, now from a different angle.
“So how are things going?” Dawson asks Pacey after Andie leaves the room.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind lately,” Pacey answers.
“Actually, I was wondering how things are going with Andie?” and he laughs. “Remember when we used to talk about girls for hours?. Well, you more than me”, he jokes, and Pacey smiles weakly.
Then Dawson watches Pacey as his expression changes from looking worried and tired to a brighter one.
“It's great to see her again. To have her here. I’ve missed her,” he smiles thinking about his conversation with Andie earlier.
“It seemed like the two of you where having an intense conversation when I walked in. Sorry about that...that I walked in, that is.“ Dawson apologizes as Pacey puts his hand up.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says glancing over at Dawson, then away. It seems as if they don’t really have much to say to each other.
“I’m going to go back in to the kitchen. I’m guessing you’d like some time alone,” Dawson says as he begins to walk to the door. Pacey makes a sound as if he is going to speak but then refrains from doing so. This does not go unnoticed by Dawson.
“Pacey did you say something,” Dawson turns around with a questioning look on his face.
“No...no, I didn’t.”
Dawson’s face seems to fall somehow as he takes a couple of steps to leave the room.
“Wait a minute,” he says, causing Dawson to stop moving. “Actually, do you have a couple of minutes?”
Pacey asks, looking at Dawson. Then stands up and goes over to the fireplace, leaning against the mantle.
“Okay, so you really wanna know what is on my mind?”.
“Yeah sure,” Dawson goes to sit down on the couch and nods silently. Pacey nods as well, as if encouraging himself to confide in the one person that, long ago, used to be his best friend.
“When we were in high school, I never had any dreams like you or Joey did. I was always a bit perplexed about how you had this larger than life dream but, I understand better now. When I went to work at Civilization and met Danny Brecher, my life really changed. I seemed to gain a dream and I held on to that dream. A dream I didn’t even know I had, even thought it wasn’t my first experience in restaurants and catering,” Pacey laughs lightly thinking back about the time that he and Andie helped the Potters at the wedding that the IceHouse catered and the wedding cake Andie ruined. Dawson furrows his brow a bit not to sure what the laugh is all about, “The wedding cake,” is all that Pacey needs to say, causing Dawson to chuckle, too.
“What made you think of that,” Dawson asks, watching Pacey continuing to grin.
“I don’t know. I just did,” he states as he walks over to the couch to sit down next to Dawson. “Anyway, I saw Danny as this larger than life role model and I wanted to be like him, but then I saw what he did and how wrong it was. Still, it didn’t prevent me from turning into someone like him, someone I had despised because of his lack of principles, you know?”
Dawson looks at him a bit puzzled.
“Actually, I don’t. You lost me, Pace.”
Pacey nods his head. “Ok, let me try to explain. Danny was married back then and he was having affairs behind his wife’s back. She kind of dumped his ass, but then it seems she came back to him anyway. And for what?. For him to keep doing the same thing. He hasn’t changed at all, or evolved, or anything. And either have I, for that matter. I mean, I was beaten up by the husband of my lover. How sad is that?. And of course, my actions had consequences, as I was paying for it with The IceHouse,” Dawson looks at Pacey concerned with what his friend has just told him.
“What’s wrong with the IceHouse?”
“Nothing now. For once, I did what I had to do. So it’s okay now. But it wasn't before. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I thought for a moment that I was having trouble with my “dream”, Dawson. But what I was really having trouble with was me. That maybe I am once again screwing things up with my whole attitude, trying to be the savior again with this whole Brecher situation. I mean, should I just ignore it or go along with it just so it won’t interfere with my objective?” He continues to explain, causing Dawson to nod his head.
Dawson opens his mouth to speak then closes it. All the while, Pacey is watching him with baited breath.
“Are you asking me for advice?” Dawson asks, somehow surprised since it has been a long time, years to be exact, since the last time Pacey ever did that.
Pacey shrugs his shoulders and smiles.
“Once upon a time, you used to give me the best advice. Now, whether or not I listened to it is a totally different thing,” he laughs and for a moment they remain silent, Dawson pondering what to say and Pacey waiting patiently.
“Dreams are a great thing to have, but so many times they get shifted slightly and you have to be willing to adapt to change when it comes.” Dawson thinks about his own situation before beginning to speak again. “USC was my dream. LA was my dream. I left both of them, but that doesn’t mean that my dreams left. I moved to Boston and some of the things that happened afterwards, I wouldn’t really call it living a specific dream but my main dream in life was still there. It just got put on a different path. And now, it appears that my dream has shifted once again and it is somewhere else,” Dawson stops talking for a moment, not too sure if Pacey is understanding any of this. “Pacey, you’ve done this. Your core dream has stayed the same, but you’ve shifted it.”
Pacey nods briefly, “Yeah, but the IceHouse…” he says, but Dawson doesn’t allow him to finish.
“Whatever is going on, you’ll be fine. Just remember that no one can ever take away the dream that you hold. More importantly, no one can ever take away who you’ve become. We all need some time to find ourselves, to know who we really are out there. And some people never do entirely. We all make mistakes , and we learn from them. Some of those mistakes are big...some not so much. But I believe that there is a part of us, the real part, that never changes. It’s like our essence, and that is the part we need to watch out for and not to lose sight of, because that is what leads us to wherever we need to go,” Dawson pats Pacey on the back. “Your dreams will always follow you, Pace, no matter where you go.”
Pacey smiles creep slowly to his lips.
“I had forgotten how you have such a way with words, man.” And the both laugh
“Thanks.”
“No problem. It was Joey who sent me in here, anyway.” he chuckles and Pacey smiles
“She is worried about you and thought that we could ‘use some time alone’, as she put it. I’m glad I followed her advice, though.”
“Yeah, at least she didn’t have to trick us with a note this time.”
And to their laughter follows another moment of silence.
“How long has been since we were friends?. And I mean, real friends. Not just polite conversations and all that crap... but friends,” Pacey inquires.
“I think we never passed that line since that infamous year in high school. We tried, but we never did.”
“No, we didn’t. You think we’ll ever will?”
Dawson shrugs his shoulders.
“Stranger things have happened,” They smile at each other “And ten years are way too many years to hold something against someone.”
“Mostly when that someone ultimately never got what he thought he had.” Pacey looks at Dawson and he thinks that he has the right to know the truth. “She never loved me the way she loved you. I mean, she did love me, but just not… that way. The way you love your first love...your soulmate.”
The two men sit in silence for a moment, then Pacey stands up and begins to walk out of the living room.
“Pacey wait,” Dawson says, standing up as well. “Whether or not we'll ever be the friends we used to be....if you need anything, I just want you to know that you can call me, okay?”
Pacey nods his head, pondering the offer and knowing that Dawson is being sincere.
“I’ll remember that,” he says, smiling at his friend and waiting for him to join him.
“Great,” Dawson smiles back as the two of them exit the room together.
Before that, for a brief moment, we see the two teenage boys they used to be and how those teenagers have become men. Men who are willing to leave their old ghosts and demons behind. It may take time, and it may or may not happen, but at least they’re gonna try.