Later. It could be ten minutes, one hour, or a lifetime...
(Wednesday morning 3 a.m starts playing in the background)
The camera pans from the window to the floor, going to Dawson’s bed. There, we can see two bodies cuddling under the sheets.
I can hear the soft breathing
Of the girl that I love,
We see Joey’s face. She is asleep, one of her cheeks resting on one of Dawson’s shoulders, one of her arms circling his waist over the cover.
As she lies here beside me
Asleep with the night,
She looks peaceful, a lingering smile on her lips, as if she is dreaming of something nice.
And her hair, in a fine mist
Floats on my pillow,
Reflecting the glow
Of the winter moonlight.
We see Dawson. He looks down at her as his fingertips caresses one of her bare shoulders lightly and distractedly, drawing paths over her skin.
She is soft, she is warm,
But my heart remains heavy,
And I watch as her breasts
Gently rise, gently fall,
His face is a mixture of sadness and reflection. Maybe even regrets. Either way, he is clearly torn about what has just happened. About what he let happen.
For I know with the first light of dawn
I'll be leaving,
He catches some strands of Joey’s brown hair in his fingers and watches as her hair slides in between them.
And tonight will be
All I have left to recall.
Joey stirs and cuddles closer to him. For a moment he remains motionless, afraid she might wake up. When he realizes she won’t, he closes his eyes tightly.
Oh, what have I done,
Why have I done it,
Dawson moves to accommodate himself on the bed. Joey is lying next to him, his arms circling her warm body, and it feels good. Too good.
I've committed a crime,
I've broken the law.
So good that he is afraid that this time there might be no going back to where they used to be. This is not a script he can fix. Sammy and Colby’s destiny intertwined once more, and each time seems to be even more complicated than the one before.
My life seems unreal,
My crime an illusion,
A scene badly written
He turns to gaze outside, to the sky, through his window. The window Joey used to climb through when they were kids.
In which I must play.
Yet I know as I gaze
At my young love beside me,
The window she used just a few months ago after so many years since they had seen each other. The window that, once upon a time, he kissed her by. Slowly, his eyes close…
The morning is just a few hours away.
Morning in Dawson’s room
Early in the morning, before anyone else is awake, Dawson and Joey are already up. Dawson is fully clothed and Joey is sitting at the foot of the bed, putting on her shoes.
Neither has said much of anything and the air is full of unspoken words, expectations, and promises.
"We need to talk," Dawson finally says as he moves to the foot of the bed.
"Yeah," Joey moves over to give Dawson more room to sit next to her. "We should talk. I have a lot to say and I hope this comes out the right way, so bare with me. This past year has been filled with loss, heartbreak, uncertainty, doubts and some decisions. Not just for me. There have been a lot of changes for you, too. And the whole time, there has only been one thing that I was certain of...that what you and I have is unbreakable. That is something that I can always count on and that is the only thing that I know will always remain. It's always been you, even when I didn't know what it was that I was looking for. Even when I tried to substitute you with someone else."
"Joey..."
"I'm saying that I want to be with you. I want to be with you in every way...as friends, as lovers…I love you."
She looks at him expectantly, searching for that look he had when they were fifteen and he had really kissed her for the first time, that look that he had when they had catered that wedding, the same look he possessed when he made love to her the first time. And it’s not there. Instead, there is uncertainty in his eyes.
"Why are you doing this, Joey?" he asks, tiredness in his voice.
"Because," she states simply. "I love you."
"I know that you love me. But are you sure you love me like that?Because I don't want to be the one that you turn to as a safe option, because everything with me is certain. I don't want to be the one that helps pick up the pieces so you're put together enough to break my heart. I just can't do that again. If it were someone else… But this is you and me, and we've been down this road so many times. We have to be careful."
"Of what?"
"Of nuking bridges that we've burnt and rebuilt more times than I can bare to remember. I don't want to be the guy that's a layover between Pacey and whoever it is that's next in line."
"Is that what you really think of me?" Joey's gets a little loud, her eyes open wide. "Is that who you really think I am?"
"I'm just saying that I don't want to be the distraction while you find the guy you that really want to be with."
"How can you even say that after everything that has happened this year? You know what I've gone through. You know I'm getting help and dealing with..."
"I'm just saying that, given our history, it would be natural for me to assume..."
"Assume what?" Joey raises her voice this time.
"That you still don't know what you want," Dawson raises his voice to match hers. "And that we might have made the same mistake that we did years ago." He says, standing up and walking away from the bed.
Joey is shocked, hurt and upset to hear that.
"I ne...I never said that it was a mistake. I said that maybe it had been a mistake. And excuse me, but as far as I know, no one put a gun to your head last night and you were quite cooperative." Dawson raises his hands in surrender when he sees her anger boiling. "So why did you make love to me if that wasn't what you wanted, too? You could have just…" she kinda screams gesturing wildly with her hands, forgetting that there are more people in the house.
She just can’t believe that this is happening again. Not again.
"Because I love you, okay?!" Dawson’s outburst cuts her words immediately. "I’ve always loved you. One way or another, it’s always been you." he sighs frustrated. "You told me that I have written a show about us. Yes, I did. And you want to know why? Because everything always comes back to you and me. Because that’s who I am, that’s what we are and that’s what we always do, isn't it? We go back to each other time after time, but we never make it through" he searches for her gaze but she doesn’t speak. "But it’s you and me...always. Always been an always will. And I don’t wanna live it through fiction. I want the real thing, but..."
"And that’s what I’m offering you!" she interrupts, trying to make him understand. "That’s what I want, too...more than anything. For us to be together, not in an unearthly way, or in a fantasy, but in the real world. I want the here and now."
"For how long, Jo?" Dawson asks tired. Joey stares at him.
"You still think I'm that same child I was ten years ago, don't you? People change, Dawson.They evolve"
"Exactly!" Dawson stands up. "I've changed, Joey. I'm not that wide-eyed idealist who will fall down at your feet simply because you've decided that it's time for a reconciliation. I’m not going back to you without questions, without doubts, like other guys do. I’m sorry, but I’m not that guy anymore"
"I’m such a fool for thinking that things could change." She says, shaking her head and standing up from the bed too. "I should have known better. You may be right...this is just like the last time. I’m surprised that your cell phone hasn’t rung yet."
"Is the statute of limitation ever going to run out on that one?" Dawson runs his hands through his hair. "I was a kid then. I made a mistake. What was I supposed to do?"
"What about telling me you were sorry? You never did!"
"As if you didn’t know, Joey. You knew that I was sorry."
"But maybe I needed to hear it! Maybe I wanted to hear it! You could have fought for me!"
"Fought for you?" Dawson throws his hands up in frustration. "All I did in high school was fight for you, Joey!". He says, piercing her with his eyes "I rearranged my whole life for you. I moved to Boston for you. I drove all the way to Florida to tell you that I loved you. But it never worked, did it?"
"Oh, yes. You moved to Boston for me, and look what happened," Joey stands up and faces him. "You ended up with someone else!"
"You know that there were so many other things going on then, Joey." he says serious.
"Things that you couldn't share with me, your best friend. Forget the romance part of it. I was your best friend and you cut me off cold. I wanted to be there for you and you wouldn't let me. Do you know how hard it is to have the person that you need the most not need you anymore?"
"Of course I do!" Dawson yells. "How do you think it felt when you showed up at my house with Eddie? How do you think it felt when you ran off with Pacey?"
"Oh God, please! Is the statute of limitation ever going to run out on that? You told me to go to him! I wanted you to tell me to stay!"
"I didn't want you with me because you felt like you had to be. I thought you were going to ask him to stay, not run away with him."
"Fine!"
"Right!"
They yell at each other and stand rooted in their positions at this point. It was a fight. A fight like the very ones they have had before. Why is it always so hard? Why do they always make it so complicated?
"Why does this always happen with us?" Joey chokes back her tears. "How come we end up saying all these bad things to each other when all we want are good things for us."
"I don't know," Dawson sighs, his anger now deflated, too. "Maybe there is just too much in our past for us to ever have a future..."
"That's the problem...our past. Because, see...," Joey interrupts him. "We're still here." She gestures to the empty space between them. "We're still in the same place, having the same argument we had years ago. All because we never dealt with it the first time."
"You're right," Dawson agrees walking nearer her and taking her hand slowly. Now that he sees the tears in her eyes, the argument is not worth it anymore. "We need to deal with this...whatever the consequences. And I… I need some time to think about it. I'm going to L.A. and I think that may be a good opportunity for me to sort things out in my head. I don't want to rush into this either way, Joey. That’s all."
"That's fine," Joey gives his hand a small squeeze. "I can wait." she hardly whispers, but the disappointment and sadness is evident in her voice.
"Just while I'm in California. I promise to give you an answer after that."
"No. Don't put a limit on it." Joey pleads, afraid he might make a decision too fast. "Take your time. That way, we'll both know it's real. Whatever it is."
A moment of silence fall over them.
"Forever. That’s what you told me, right?" she asks.
Dawson looks at her with intensity.
"Are you ready for it, Joey? Are you really ready for it?" Dawson asks, getting closer to her, both with tears in their eyes. Joey just looks at him. Dawson sighs and is about to step back when she grabs his arm and pulls him into a kiss. It´s animpulsive, tender, loving kiss. When it´s over, Dawson looks at her stunned and a moment passes between them before any of them move.
"Here," Joey says as she grabs what she left on his nightstand last night. She hands him the large box. "I was going to give this to you last night before…everything. I finally opened it and I think you have the right to know what's inside. Maybe... maybe it´ll help you to find your way back"
Before she leaves, she leans over and kisses him softly once more. Dawson stands there, looking at the box in his hands.
Dawson’s hall.
Dawson walks down the stairs later in the morning, his luggage in tow as he thinks over what has transpired in the past twenty-four hours. And he is afraid that his mother might have heard something, judging by the looks she threw at him in the kitchen, although she didn’t mention a thing. Who would have thought this would happen?. As he reaches the bottom step, he’s surprised to see Gretchen sitting on the sofa in the living room.
"Hey," he smiles as he enters the room, putting his suitcase down. "You’re a sight for sore eyes."
"Hey, yourself," she replies, standing so they can embrace. "Going somewhere?" she asks, gesturing to the luggage once the hug is broken.
"Ahhh, yeah. I have to go back to L.A. for the show," he replies automatically, not really thinking of what he’s saying, his mind obviously somewhere else.
Gretchen decides to let how distant he seems to be pass for a bit. "So you’re going back to LA?"
He just nods his head.
"And you were going to say goodbye to me when?"
"Um…"
"You weren’t even going to say goodbye?"
"Like you’re one to talk about not saying goodbye."
Gretchen is about to hit back with something when it suddenly dawns on her that she once left town without saying 'goodbye' to Dawson. She narrows her eyes at him. "Fine, I’ll let you off of the hook. But just so you know, we’re even now."
"How so? I haven’t left without saying goodbye yet."
"Because I say so."
"Okay," he replies and they both laugh. "I got a raw deal, though. Let the record show."
"The record now shows you got a raw deal."
Dawson’s smile fades and Gretchen notes that far off look in his eyes has returned.
"So," she says watching him, waiting for him to volunteer some information.
"So," he copies her.
"So...are you going to tell me where you were just now, or do I have to prod for information?"
He sighs. "It’s complicated."
"I guess nothing changes, does it?"
"I guess not." He thinks for a moment. "Have you ever thought that you finally laid an old ghost to rest, only for it to come back to haunt you again?"
She nods her head and is somehow still able to read his eyes and guess what this is about. But Grecthen being Gretchen, she doesn’t mention Joey’s name.
"Just the same old, same old, huh?"
"You could say that. Why is it that just when you think you're okay and have moved on with things, something happens that just throws you back to where you were before? You haven't moved like you once thought. It’s like everything is going fine, and then one thing changes everything."
"Wasn’t it always that way? Just one detail had to change?"
"Yeah. I just don’t know how many times I can go through all of this." He runs a hand through his hair. "When does it reach the point were you just say stop? When you can’t take it anymore?"
"Who are you and what have you done with the Dawson Leery I knew and loved? Are you hearing what you are saying?"
"What?"
"Where’s Dawson, the optimist? Where’s the guy I knew who would never give up or defy what his heart wanted? What do you want, anyway?"
He chuckles lightly. "For the first time, in a long time, I’m not so sure I know. I always had everything mapped out, but the key players weren’t always stepping up to play the roles they were supposed to." He glances towards the window and then back to Gretchen. "I guess the Dawson of old would say keep going back until there’s nothing left to come back to, which I thought had already come and gone a long time ago."
"But it hasn’t?" She interjected. "I guess the only advice I can give you is to follow your heart. I know it doesn’t sound like much but that’s all you can do. Do what makes you happy. You can’t constantly walk through life trying to protect yourself from being hurt. It never works that way and the only person you end up hurting is yourself."
"And are you doing that?"
"I am now. I’ve realized that the only person who will make me happy is me, and that I have to be willing to risk getting hurt. That’s why I am leaving, going back to Randi, my soon to be fiancé," she finishes, beaming at Dawson.
"I’m so happy for you, ya know?" Dawson tells her. "I’m glad one of us is finding it easier to follow their heart. To go with what you really want."
"Yeah, but it's hard to do, especially when it's such an important step in your life as this one, you know? You have to decide if you wanna expend the rest of your life with this person or not. And it scares you, and you hold on to any shread of doubt you can feel, afraid that it might not be what you want after all. That’s part of the reason why I came here, I guess."
Dawson looks at her questioningly.
"I didn’t lie, Dawson. In that letter I wrote years ago, I didn’t lie. When I left, I was in love with you. But I knew you wouldn’t have followed me, would you?"
Dawson is shocked that she is bringing this up now, but he bows his head down without saying a word. Gretchen smiles.
"I knew it. But you know, when Randi asked me to marry him, all I could think about was...what would have happened if you had followed me? How would it have been if we had met later, when the age gap wasn’t as huge as it seemed back then? Because you and I worked so well together, didn’t we?" Dawson smiles at her and nods his head. Yes, they did. "And that’s what I was referring to when I said that you hold on to any little shread of doubt you can find. Because well, after so many years, why wonder about that now, right? Being here this Christmas gave me the answer, though. You’re such a great guy, Dawson. And someday you’re gonna make some girl, whose name I won’t mention, so happy." When she says this, Dawson casts her a glance but once again, he remains silent. "But it won’t be me. You’re just a sweet, loving memory and I was just running away from love."
A moment of silence passes between them, remembering the impact they had on each other’s lives. They were there during a hard period in both of their lives, and they made it through together. And it felt nice to reminiscence about it, but that was all that it was.
"You’ll make the right decision, Dawson," Gretchen finally speaks again."I know you will."
"Thanks," he replies softly as he smiles at her.
She glances at her watch. "Is that the time? I really have to go, Dawson." They hug tight and long. "You’ll keep in touch, won’t you?"
"Are you kidding? I want an invite to the wedding."
She smiles. "You sure as hell will get one," Gretchen says. "Just listen to your heart, Dawson. It won’t lead you down the wrong path."
They walk to the front door in silence.
"I’ll see you, Dawson."
"See you, Gretchen. Have a safe trip," he finishes and they hug once more, this time quickly before she turns and runs to the car.
A montage of images
("My immortal" by Evanescence starts playing in the background)
We see Dawson placing his suitcases in his car. He closes the truck slowly with a pensive look on his face.
I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
We see Joey sitting in her room, by her window, looking over the creek to Dawson’s house.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Dawson rounds the car and is about to get into it when he turns to look at the other side of the creek.
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
We see Joey looking at some framed pictures on her desk: one of her and Dawson as kids and another one, the last one, that had just been taken last Thanksgiving.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
She takes it in her hand and stares at their smiling faces.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Dawson’s gaze trails around him, to his window, to the times he and Joey have been there, for better and for worse. For each other.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
Joey grabs the note pad that Dawson gave her as a present. She opens it and looks at the first blank page. Then she looks back to the window.
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Dawson finally gets into the car and turns it on, his face taut. He starts to drive backwards to get outside of the front yard, casting a last glance in Joey’s direction.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
We see Joey grabbing a pencil, looking back and forth, from the picture of her and Dawson to the notepad.
When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
As Dawson’s car gets lost in the distance as he drives away, Joey starts drawing, with a melancholic, lingering smile on her face.
You still have… all of me
We see Dawson’s plane taking off into the sky
All of me
All of me…
CREDITS