When the dinner is over
"Bye," Grams says to Bessie for about the fourth time. "And thank you so much for inviting us," she says with warm emphasis.
"Anytime, Mrs. Ryan."
"And thank you, Bodie. The stuffing was excellent."
"Thanks, Mrs. Ryan. That means a lot coming from you."
"Thanks, Bess," Gale hugs Bessie. "We should all get together more often."
"John forgot his glasses," Joey comes running up to crowd. "I think it would be best if he actually wore them to drive home."
"John, Pacey´s dad...or John, Gale's husband?" Audrey asks.
"John, Gale's husband," Joey clarifies as she hands them to him.
"Thanks," he takes the glasses. "And thanks once again for inviting us. It was one of the best Christmas dinners I've ever had."
"Thanks for coming," Joey answers.
"I don't think they're ever going to leave," Bessie whispers to Bodie. But the smile on her face betrays her words. She's happy to have such a large group serving as her extended family.
"Joey," Dawson comes from behind and spins her around into a hug. "I had a really great time today. This is one of the best holidays I've had in a long time."
"Um, Merry Christmas, Dawson." Joey is obviously upset but Dawson doesn't notice.
"Merry Christmas, Jo. I'll give you a call, okay?" He finally releases her from their embrace.
"Yeah. Sure"
"Dawson!" Lily comes up and grabs his hand and begins walking with him to the car.
Dawson looks over his shoulder at Joey. She's still looking at him so he smiles at her. Her face remains unchanged.
"Now, I don't want you to mess up my headquarters this time," Lily says sternly.
"What's your 'headquarters'?" he asks, turning his attention to Lily.
"Your room?"
"And why is my old room your 'headquarters'?" he asks playfully.
"Because I use it to watch movies and do homework. At first, I was just going to move all of my stuff in there and use it all the time because it's way bigger than my room. But then I thought that if I stayed in my room it would be like I had two rooms. Plus, I thought it would be fun to have a director's bedroom in the house."
Dawson just laughs and lets his glance linger upon Joey once again. She's hugging Pacey goodbye. He pretends not to notice when she kisses him on the cheek. As if he cares. Right?
Almost midnight, the Potter’s B&B
It’s late at night but Joey knows she won’t be able to sleep, so she is not even trying. Instead, she is going around in her room moving things from here to there. As she is taking some things out of her closet, she takes out a large box of shoes. Boots, probably. She looks at it pensively.
She hears a knock on the door. Joey turns around, jumping scared. The door opens to reveal Bessie in her sweat pants, clearly getting ready to sleep.
"Joey, what are you doing? I can hear you from the kitchen."
"Sorry, Bessie. I was just…" she clears her throat, "cleaning up a little."
Bessie raises one eyebrow. "At midnight, on Christmas?"
Joey sighs and sits on the bed. Bessie enters and sits down beside her.
"I’ve heard those kind of sighs so many times before. And they've always had one name written all over them," Bessie says with a hint of comprehension in her voice. Joey sighs but says nothing. She just looks at her hands.
"Listen, Joey. I know that what Dawson and you had, whatever that it was, was complicated. Maybe it still is. But I also know that you two never dealt with it properly. When you dated, you were so young and so many things were in your way. And when you were back together, the whole thing with Dad happened, and you overreacted and…"
"Whoa, whoa, wait! I overreacted? Well, at least I did react! I can’t say the same for you.
Because maybe, just maybe, if you had been the one facing the situation, everything would have been different. "
"Oh no. You’re not putting the blame on me. I…"
"You were the oldest. You should have been the one doing what I did," Joey says, now getting more upset than before.
"Where is this all coming from, anyway? I just wanted to talk to you and see if I could help you somehow, but I see that you’re not in your best of moods," Bessie says, standing up and attempting to leave. But suddenly she stops dead in her heels and turns to Joey, her face now contrived.
"You really think it was my fault, then?" she asks concerned. When Joey sees the guilty expression on her face, her anger goes away.
"I don’t know, Bess. Maybe I wouldn’t have ruined it right then and there, but maybe I would have ruined it any other number of ways," she shrugs her shoulders. "Whatever it was or whatever it is that Dawson and me had or have is never simple, as you put it. Not even now, when we are supposed to be older and wiser."
"Don’t fool yourself, Joey. You’re never old or wise enough when it comes to love. I can only tell you this...you’ll know when you find it. The real one. The one that was made for you and destined to be with you always. You just have to stop yourself from being scared and running away. But even once you make that decision, you still have a long road ahead you."
"Thanks, Bessie," Joey smiles sweetly at her. "And I'm sorry about before. I was just…"
"It’s okay, Joey. It seems like even you and I have some unfinished business that we need to talk about, don’t we?"
The two sisters smile at each other fondly. Bessie might be right. But they have no doubt in their minds that whatever the unfinished business is, it will be forgiven.
"Nite, little sister."
"Nite, Bess."
("White flag" by Dido starts playing in the background)
With that, Bessie walks away and closes the door. Joey’s eyes wander around the room and they stop on a box on the floor.
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
Slowly, she creeps from the bed down to the floor and takes it from the ground.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
She opens it slowly and her eyebrows furrow at the sight of what it is inside.
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
The first thing that she sees is the old drawing she made of Dawson long, long ago, when they were in high school. She had been told to draw what she loved the most. And there he was...Dawson.
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
As she puts the draft aside, she finds a brown paper folder. She opens it to find a copy of the peer recommendation Dawson wrote for her for college. She reads it, and a sad but sweet smile curls her lips.
I know I left too much mess and
Destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
Her diary...her old diary, Tthe very same one that caused her first fight with Dawson. It lead to that moment they shared in the rain. It’s amazing how, so many years later, she can almost still feel the cold drops of rain hitting her bare skin, and Dawson’s lips pressed against her shoulder.
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Next thing she sees is an old draft of the letter she wrote to him when his father died. 'I love you, Dawson. And I'm here for you. Now, forever, and everyday in between.' She stares off into space as she remembers those hard days where they lost each other once again. Now the expression on her face is clearly of pain. She closes her eyes and sighs.
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Almost hesitant, she puts the letter aside and comes face to face with the paper she wrote about the kiss she and Dawson shared when they were trying to say goodbye to each other right before he headed off to L.A. for the first time. 'True greatness'...that’s how she had described that kiss. And that was how it had felt that night and morning on her nineteeth birthday. She bites her lip and once again, stares right in front of her.
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
She leans on the side of the bed, fighting with herself, as more and more old memories come to her. She remembers Dawson showing up at her dormroom door after things didn't work out in L.A., making her resolution to say goodbye to him fly right out the window.
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
She remembers all the times she has walked away from him. Starting from that day that she wasn´t able to face him and tell him why she couldn’t sleep in the same bed with him anymore. Or the night after his first date with Jen, and she left running, but Dawson's confession made her believe that it was still possible...just to leave him after their high school homecoming dance. Or on the pier, right after she turned her father into the police. Or on his dock at his parent’s wedding. She ran, and ran and ran. And that phone call she made to him while she locked herself up in the bathroom of that stupid college party. And that night when he tried to kiss her in Capeside but she said she couldn’t do that anymore… and that last time, when she found out about Natasha. She never ever gave him another chance. Not that he asked for one, did he?. She sighs once again and puts her face in her hands.
But enough is enough. This has been enough. And it’s true...she can’t do this anymore. She has all these feelings inside, and she feels as if she can’t confide them to the only person that she needs to. But she has to. She wants to, whatever the outcome. It’s all about taking risks. It’s always been about that.
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
She puts all of the papers, pictures and the rest of the stuff back into the box and stands up, walking to her desk. She grabs a piece of paper and sits down. She bites the end of the pen, thinking, trying to find the words.
There will be no white flag above my door
Slowly but surely, she starts to write. When she is done, she re-reads what she just wrote and places it inside with the rest of the stuff. She grabs her coat and, with the box in her hands, Joey exits the room with determinate steps. We see the door close after her.
I'm in love and always will be
At the old Leery house
(Dawson and Joey instrumental theme starts playing in the background)
Clutching the box tightly to her chest, Joey takes a deep breath and looks up at Dawson’s window. There is light shining throught it. Good. She closes her eyes tight and then walks to the front door.
We see Dawson lying on his bed, with his laptop on his knees. He is typing something furiously on it, then passes one of his hands through his hair, deleting everything he had just written. Just then, the door of his room opens. He looks at it, expecting anyone but the person that is standing there...Joey.
She watches him close his laptop before placing it on the floor by the other side of the bed, an inquiring look on his face. Soon, their gazes are locked, but Joey breaks the stare and moves into the room, placing the box of memories on his desk.
Dawson sits on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to expect. He can feel the change in the air. She looks different. Different from when they were exchanging presents, different from when they were saying goodbye on her front porch. Just…different. In the way she moves, in the way she looks at him, as if…but it can’t be. Can it?
(The instrumental song ends)
She finally looks down to meet his gaze when she feels him resting a hand softly on one of her arms. Words die in her throat, she is not able to form any coherent sentence in her mind. She can only feel the rush in her veins and the longing, the needing…She came here to talk to him, to pour her heart out to him. But maybe… maybe this is the best way to do it. To make him feel it. To make him feel her love for him.
("Return to me" by October Project starts playing in the background)
You rise like a wave in the ocean
Her fingers are running through his hair, which pulls him out of his introspection.
And you fall gently back to the sea
He grabs her hands and looks up to find her standing above him, seemingly opening herself up to him… and abruptly, he’s thrown back in time to the night she offered herself to him.
Now I want to know how to hold you
Return to me
Turn to me
He sees the same fear in her eyes that he saw that night so many years ago.
You shine like the moon over water
She looks so beautiful and so like the Joey he's dreamed of for so long. For so long.
And you darken the sky when you leave
She looks in his eyes, and she sees the questions there. And she knows, with certainty, that she is in love with him. Truly, madly, deeply in love with the guy across the creek.
Now I want to know how to keep you
He is about to say something, but she places a finger on his lips.
Return to me Turn to me
Rerurn to me
Turn to me
Suddenly, he realizes that she’s scared…and so is he. And that this fear has always been standing between them, harming their relationship. He could see now that they were both always afraid of the emotional damage they could do to each other. It was not only Joey, but him as well.
Everything I tell you has been spoken
And everything I say was said before
Dawson rests his head on her stomach, sighing, all of the old feelings coming over him all over again, no matter how hard he tries.
But everything I feel is for the first time
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulls her to him, lightly pressing his face in her stomach.
And everything I feel, I feel for you
She rubs his shoulder gently, almost comfortingly. But, as has happened in the past, their touches take on a different meaning. Electricity crackles between them. He feels her hands move to his neck. One of them rests there, the other moves to cups his face, forcing him to meet her eyes. They move toward each other…
I am here calling the wind
… and their lips meet in a brief, tentative kiss that soon turns into much more. Their lips collide, Dawson’s hands move up to caress her back.
I am here calling your name
She feels her knees buckle but his arms prevent her from falling, instead...
I am here calling you back
Return to me
... he tugs her into his lap as they continue kissing, hands roaming…
I know what it means to be lonely
Then, Dawson breaks the kiss, both breathless, and Joey rests her forehead on his. They look at each other.
And I know what it means to be free
Joey seems to be on the verge of tears. Because she wants to tell him something, anything, so badly. But words keep failing her.
Now I want to know how to love you
Dawson wipes her tears silently, as he sees how moved she is. No word in the English language, or any other for that matter, could help him express what he is feeling right now.
Return to me
They kiss again. Slowly, cupping each other’s face, and then Joey pulls him gently down to the bed as the camera pans out.
I am here
Return to me