Tuesday.
Pacey and Andie – The long winding road
Capeside, Pacey´s boat.
Sunlight glimmers across the water. The sounds of the water lapping against the boat’s hull soothe Pacey as he sits on the deck on the boat. It’s a great day on the water. He dials his cell phone and calls the person he had wanted to call all morning but had waited until it was a decent hour in the morning to wake. The phone rings, and finally he hears a voice at the other end. It’s a little groggy, but clears by the end of the salutation.
“Good morning beautiful,” says Pacey cheerfully.
Andie groans and replies, “Pacey, it is just too early for you to be chipper.”
“What could you mean by that Andie?” inquires Pacey needling her. “The sun is out, the water is fine, and the day is beautiful,” he continues.
“Okay, okay, okay,” says Andie as she rises out of bed, “I was used to be up and functioning early in the morning, but the many long nights of the residency have finally caught up with me.” She yawns, “so if you don’t mind, I’ll call you later.” Pacey can’t help but laugh when he hangs up the phone and go back to work.
The image fades to…
Pacey cleaning up after eating lunch. He goes over to lounge on his couch, closing his eyes, leaning his head back.
‘What is that?’ he asks himself as he mumbles trying to find out the source of the beeping noise.
Finally he finds it, his cell phone, someone has left him a message. He pushes *86 on his cell phone and can’t help but to smile hearing the cheery voice.
“Pacey, why aren’t you answering your phone? Call me back before 3 please. Oh, and I’m sorry about this morning, I was still asleep,” she laughs. “Anyway, I have something to tell you, so call me back! Don’t forget.”
He looks at his watch and it is a little after 12 p.m. so he begins to dial her number at the hospital, knowing that she is not able to carry her cell phone with her while she is working in there.
“Yes, is Dr. McPhee available?”
“Let me check sir just a minute please,” the woman on the phone says. “Sir, she’s with patients right now can she call you back?”
“Sure, just tell her Pacey called, she’s got the number. Thanks,” then he hangs up the phone.
He leans his head back, once again, thinking about how life is always changing, always evolving. A ringing sound knocks him out of his thoughts and back to the real world.
“Hello?”
“Hey it’s me, sorry I wasn’t available when you called.”
“It’s okay. You’re a doctor and I called you at work. So what’s up?”
“Well, I found this really great place and I wanted to know if you wanted to go look at it with me,” she asks excitedly wrapping the cord of the phone around her fingers a few times.
He chuckles to himself, “What?”
Andie asks wondering if he is thinking the same thing she is.
“Remember the last time we went to look at places to live,” they both begin to laugh.
“I was thinking the same thing. I really put you through the paces with that assignment didn’t I Witter?”
“I got so frustrated with you,” he shook his head recalling the fact that he had mumbled to himself all the way home after leaving her on the sidewalk in front of that apartment building.
“The question is were you frustrated with me or were you falling in love with me?”
He half laughs. “A little of both I guess,” there is a pause on the line.
“So, tell me a little bit more about this new place of yours,” he asks attempting to break the silence.
She begins to talk quickly.
“It’s not really a place for me, but for you,” she says, surprising him.
“How come?”
“Well, you told me you weren’t feeling that comfortable in Capeside anymore and all that, so why not? I have been seeing this “On sold” poster for a while, but never really paid much attention. Until today, that I decided to go and have a look just for the fun of it, you know?. It is close to the hospital, has all new appliances, freshly painted, high-speed Internet access, new carpeting, it’s in a nice neighborhood and has even space for a terrace like the one in the Ice House, but even nicer.”
She takes a deep breath after talking way to fast.
“You still there?” She asks.
“Yeah, I’m still here.” He is just recovering of the news. A new restaurant in a new place… and Andie was the one to find it! He smiles into the phone “Tell you what, I’ll go take a look at this place of yours, McPhee, if you promise me one thing.”
“And what would that be Witter?” She smiles knowing that they are doing that thing that they do, calling each other by their last names which has always been a playful thing for them to do.
“That you let me cook you dinner,” he grins big.
She doesn’t even have to think about it, “Deal!”
Another short pause is heard.
“Deal!” He adds.
“I’d really like to get this place but with both of our schedules when can we find the time?”
Pacey thinks for a moment, “How about later on today?”
“Today?” Andie is the one surprised this time.
“Yeah, today,” Pacey sounds happy, “I can’t think of any other better thing to do today, besides my visit to Amy, but I can go sooner and then just leave for Boston.”
“That would be great!” She says excitedly. “I’ll be done with my shift around 4 today,” she glances at the clock knowing that her break is almost over.
“4 it is then.”
“I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around 4 then.”
“I’ll be there,” he adds. “And Andie,” he says before she almost hangs up the phone.
“Yes?”
“Don’t forget your expense worksheet,” he chuckles in to the phone.
“Goodbye Pacey,” she hangs up the phone, smiles then begins to go back to work.
Boston Memorial Hospital, Boston.
Pacey walks quickly in to the hospital taking a look at his watch knowing that he is about 10 minutes late. He goes over to the reception desk.
"Can I help you sir?" the lady from behind the desk asks.
"Yes, could you tell me where Andie McPhee is...Dr. McPhee that is," he watches as the woman pulls out a clipboard.
"She's roaming today."
Pacey´s face holds a questioning stare.
"What does that mean?"
"It means that she in helping in different parts of the hospital today."
"So, then how do I find her?"
"Let me make a couple of phone calls to see if I can locate her for you."
Pacey glances around the area where he is standing waiting for the woman to get off the phone. She hangs up the phone.
"I found her for you. She is in the recovery ward. They said that she is pretty busy right now."
"I was supposed to meet her about 10 minutes ago here at the front of the hospital, we're going to look at this place she found."
The woman behind the desk smiles, "So you must be Pacey," she states causing Pacey to smile and nod his head.
"Andie...Dr. McPhee has told me all about you. She likes to come and sit with me while she is on break and we talk and eat homemade cookies that I've brought from home," the older woman smiles as she continues to talk.
"Do you think I could..." he stops then continues, "go meet her where she is," Pacey asks the older woman flashing one of his charming smiles.
"I guess so but here, let me give you this in case you get stopped anywhere in the hospital. You know security issues," she adds. She hands him the visitor badge, "Now place that on the pocket of your shirt and you'll be all set," she says with a smile.
"Thank you very much," he nods at her and begins to walk away.
Roaming down the hallway, Pacey looks at all of the signs. 'Why are hospitals so difficult to get around,' he mumbles under his breath. He finally sees a sign that says, "Recovery" with an arrow pointing to the left. He walks a little ways looking down the hall in front of him just as loud bells begin to go off and lights start to flash. He stops dead cold as he sees nurses rush in to a room and usher a couple of people out, one of them being Andie, the other a little boy. He watches as she picks him up and takes him not too far to sit down, placing him on her lap. He can't hear what she is saying but she is rocking the child back and forth talking to him and the little boy seems to be doing just fine. Pretty soon a man comes out of the room and takes the little boy from Andie and hugs him tightly as Pacey watches Andie go back in to the room that she had been ushered out of just a few minutes before.
The door opens once again, with Andie appearing. She goes over to the man and little boy and speaks to them softly. Pacey begins to walk down the long hallway; his feet seem to have a mind of their own. He is captivated at seeing her really be a doctor. Yes, they've talked about things that have happened at the hospital but at this moment it is very real. He continues to watch her as the man smiles and puts the little boy back on the ground eventually holding his hand. The man opens the door and goes back in to the room leaving Andie standing in the hallway.
Taking a couple of steps backwards, she leans against the wall, her hand going up to her forehead then down her hair. She hears someone approach and looks up.
"Pacey," she sighs her eyes closing.
"What happened?" he asks quickly knowing that she may tell him that she can't talk about it.
"Code blue," is all she says.
By instinct, without even thinking, Pacey envelops her in his arms and she just rests her forehead in his chest, her head tucked under his chin. A little smile forms in Pacey´s lips as Andie closes her eyes and sighs, just glad that he is there at that same moment, at that right time. After a moment, she walks out of his embrace through, and Pacey watches her distance herself from him, although she gives him a shy smile.
"You were so calm," he says looking at her sideways as he leans up against the wall next to her.
"Can you leave then? He asks watching her nod her head.
"Yeah just give me a minute," she begins to walk away but he stops her grabbing her hand.
"We don't have to do this today," he says softly standing close to her.
"There are other people here that can help her," she says looking towards the door.
"Okay," he says letting go of her hand so that she can go.
A few minutes later, she comes back, her white coat that she had on only minutes ago
is gone and she pulls her hair out of her jacket.
"Ready?" She asks Pacey. He nods and they proceed walking down the hallway.
“It must be hard,” Pacey asks, referring to the situation before.
“Yes, it is. I don’t know how or when I will get used to it,” she sighs.
“Knowing you, probably never. But that is what will make you such a great doctor, and people won’t be afraid to talk to you, or won’t feel like they need to hold back because they will know you are feeling for them,” Pacey states securely.
Andie looks at him, flattered and surprised at the same time.
“Is that what you really think of me?”
“Is that bad?” Pacey asks, looking for the answer in her eyes.
“No,” she replies, with a little smile in her lips. “It’s actually very sweet.”
Pacey nods his head, glad that she liked his comment, his hands in his pockets.
“And it teaches you a few things, you know? Like how fleeting life can be: one day you’re here and the next one you might not be. Something that we all know, but being here makes you aware of it each and every day.”
“Yeah, that must be hard to del with at the beginning, right? Man is used to think that we’re gonna live forever, even though the everyday life insists in proving us the opposite.”
“Yeah, is exactly that,” Andie smiles a little tired to him, and he is about to say something when someone calls for her.
“Hey Andie.”
By reflex, Pacey turns around as well to see who is calling for her.
“Hi Patrick. How are you doing?”
Patrick, a brunette tall and slim man shrugs his shoulders. “You know how it goes. Today has been hectic. A multiple collision, so many injured people to bring in.”
“I know, I heard about it earlier in Emergencies.”
“So how is your wrist?” he asks, nodding his head to her left wrist. Andie takes it in her hand and rubs it gently.
“Fine, doing fine actually. Thanks,” she smiles at him and Patrick smiles back under
the curious gaze of Pacey.
Just then, his pager starts beeping. He leans on the wall while sighing and reads the message.
“Well, I better go” he sighs, as he starts moving.
Andie places her hand in his shoulder as he walks pass her.
“Take it easy,” Andie says, “and drive safe.”
“I will,” he smiles gently at her as he disappears down the aisle.
“What happened to your wrist?” Pacey asks, his mood somehow downcast for some reason he doesn’t get to reach.
“Last week I had a little accident while lifting someone from a wheel chair to a bed, and I hurt one of my wrists.”
“You didn’t tell me,” Pacey says, concerned.
“It wasn’t important,” Andie replies, shrugging her shoulders. “Patrick helped me to bandage it, that’s why he knows.
“And he is… who exactly?” Pacey asks hesitatingly, knowing that it is a stupid and out of place question, and that it is not of his business. But there it is. He asked just the same.
Andie throws him a curious look before responding.
“He’s a good friend. We dated for over two years, when I first moved to Boston.”
Pacey is more than surprised to hear this. What he knows is, once again, stupid. Did he think that Andie had been just sitting around waiting for… for what?.
For a moment, they walk in silence before Andie speaks again.
“We broke up because we weren’t compatible, in case you wanna know,” she says as she eyes him carefully. “We started dating almost since we met, and it worked for a while. Once we get to know each other better, we found out it wasn’t working. But after the typical weird period where you don’t know very well what to say or how to act around the other people, we discovered that we could actually work as friends,” she smiles.
They reach the front door of the hospital finally and Pacey pushes it open, walking out of the building first and holding it open for Andie.
“Thanks,” he says, causing Andie to look at him. “For letting me know. I was going to ask about it later anyway.”
Andie laughs and he smiles.
“No problem. It’s only fair. I know everything about you and Joey. And that’s what friends are for, right?”
Pacey smiles and passes an arm around her shoulders confidently.
“Right.”
Later at Andie’s house, Boston.
Pacey and Andie are going upstairs in a block of apartments. They have been visiting the local for the restaurant that Andie had talked to Pacey about over the phone, then went to go some shopping for dinner.
Andie is walking in front of Pacey, who is carrying some bags, and she proceeds to take the keys out her pocket and open the front door.
"I know there are a few spots in the place that could be worked on, but overall I think it is good?,” she ends her phrase tentatively.
Pacey smiles.
"Andie, the place is amazing, and I am sure it could make a great restaurant. Plus, it is placed in a good zone of the town," Pacey tells her.
”I’m glad you liked it,” she smiles at him.
"Yeah, I mean, you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover; just because there are a few things that need to be worked on, doesn’t mean the place isn’t full of opportunities," he tells her as he looks into her eyes. "Old things can be renewed, Andie. If you give them a chance they can sometimes be better than they first started out."
She just looked at him not sure if there was hidden message in there somewhere, as she stands there, the key about to be inserted in the door, but any of them moving.
‘Of course not, you fool,’ she thinks to herself.
“Hi there Andie,” a young black woman greets her when she exists the apartment next to hers, breaking the somehow odd moment. She can hear Pacey cough behind her.
“Hi there Janette. Going for your late class?” Andie asks brightly, pushing any other thoughts out of her mind.
“You know it!” the young woman says happily, as she runs downstairs.
Andie turns to Pacey once again and smiles at him as she finally opens the door and keeps it open for Pacey to step into the place.
“Well, this is it: the place that I call home,” Andie beams at him as Pacey pass by her into a tiny hall. Andie shrugs her coat off. “I know is not much, but the money doesn’t give for much more. And I like it. I’ve been here for the last couple of years and I could never leave it even if they offered something better for the same price. I just love it,” she sighs happily, looking around her.
“Seems nice,” Pacey says as he tries to get a peek of the living room while Andie motions him to follow her to the kitchen.
“You can leave the bags here,” Andie points to a table and Pacey leaves them there as instructed.
“Here, give me your coat,” and she helps him to take it off. “I’ll hang it in the entrance,” she explains, smiling.
As she leaves, Pacey inspects the kitchen in silence. As tiny as the hall, but nice and comfortable. It catches his attention that Andie seems to have a lot of kitchen stuff hanging in the walls: spoons and dippers of all sizes, along with pans and more kitchen tools everywhere.
“Ok, let’s put this all in the right place and let the party begin,” she says cheerfully as she walks back into the kitchen.
“I like the kitchen” Pacey says, handing her some of the shopping for her to place it in the fridge as they speak.
“The kitchen and the living room are the best part of the house. Since I hardly get any sleep, I didn’t put much effort in the bedroom, but I learned some cooking in Italy, so the kitchen is really important to me. And if you think the kitchen is small, wait till you see the bathroom,” she laughs, closing the door of the fridge.
“So much for the country club girl I met in Capeside, the one I thought was rich and a snob,” Pacey laughs.
“Nothing further from the truth,” Andie agrees laughing as well as she finishes placing everything in the right place around the kitchen. “Then, and now.”
Once everything is done they just stand in opposite sides of the kitchen, Andie leaning against the dishwasher and Pacey next to the door, as they smile to each other.
“Ok, now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a quick shower, put in my home clothes and then we can start cooking.” she says.
“Oh no, no ‘we’. I’m the one cooking. I told you in Christmas I would cook for you, remember?” Pacey asks as she passes by him in her way out.
“Fine then. I’m not gonna argue with that,” she beams at him when she walks out of the kitchen.
(‘Sorrento moon’, by Tina Arena, starts playing in the background)
While she is away, Pacey saunters into the living room.
I sang your praises daily
And we let ourselves get swept away
It's true baby
We held heaven in our hands for days
As expected, is small, but not as small as the rest of what he has seen until now. Andie has little lights placed everywhere, some candles, and some framed posters hanging on the walls. The curtains are in a dark red, along with the color of the big sofa. In the sofa there are some cushions in dark yellows and orange that gives the whole room a feeling of warmth that makes him feel comfortable.
You wait a long time
For something wild to take you somewhere
And all I needed was to fly
It's a long way from paradise to ordinary
Picture us just smiling there, we didn't have a care
There is a table in a far corner that seems to have many framed pictures of it. Curious, he steps to it and starts picking up some pictures to have a closer look to them. There are pics of a younger Andie with her family, before everything went to hell. He is surprised to see a picture of Andie and him as well. They seem to be in a hammock, he is enveloping her in his arms, and Andie is laughing as she looks over her shoulder to him, who is looking down at her as well. God, when was that picture taken? Right before she died her hair in brown… he thinks. And the fact that he can’t rescue from his memory the exact moment and time that picture was taken makes him feel upset and sad for some reason. He pays special attention to a framed picture of Andie, Jack and Jen, Dawson’s signature is neatly written in the corner of the picture. It was taken the summer that he and Joey had sailed off. He studies the picture. Dawson’s lens captured them in their youth and exuberance; so healthy and carefree. Pacey briefly wonders if Andie had thought about him that summer. Pacey´s eyes focus on Jen. Jen was so beautiful and her eyes even then seemed to carry the wisdom of someone far older. He thinks about Jen and the stories she told him with a wry smile and a dry wit. There are more pictures, some of them of Andie in Italy, even he can recognize them: the Pisa tower, the Coliseum, with an older woman he doesn’t know but he assumes is her aunt in there. There are also a few recent ones (or they look recent to him at least) where he can recognize Andie as she looks like today. In one of them, she is with a group of people, they all with white hospital coats. He assumes they are her mates at the hospital or something. The guy they greeted in their way out of the hospital is standing next to her, and if his eyes don’t deceive him, his arm is around her waist, although it can’t be seen properly because there is someone standing in front of them. It is obvious though that Andie is leaning on him, a big smile on her face.
I remember, how it all came true
It was oh so tender
And I was lost with you
By the sweet Sorrento moon
But his eyes go back to the picture of him and Andie in the hammock. Without thinking, he picks it up, and looks at it. Then his eyes drift to the other picture, the one where Andie is leaning on that guy from the hospital. Without even realizing he is doing so, he compares the two smiles. Yeah, she is smiling bigger in the hammock one.
But the stars don't burn that brightly
Every season surely slips away
But you baby
You're the reason why I chose to stay
“Oh, that picture,” Andie, who has reappeared without being noticed, speaks. “For some reason, I could never get rid of it. I like it” she smiles shyly, like trying to justify herself.
“I like it too,” Pacey smiles gently, speaking softly.
You wait a long time to find your dream and hold on to it
And all I needed was to fly
It's a long way from innocence to understanding
A picture of a child at play, is how I feel today
Andie comes close to him and looks at the picture in his hand, smiling sweetly. Pacey just looks at her.
“Well, I think we better start cooking,” she says, grinning at him. “Or better, since you insisted, I think you better start cooking,” she laughs as she starts her way to the kitchen.
And I remember (la luna de Sorrento)
how it all came true (la luna de Sorrento)
It was oh so tender (la luna de Sorrento)
and I was lost with you
By the sweet Sorrento moon.
With one last look to the picture, placing it gently on the table, Pacey follows her.
You were never far away.
Andie’s living room, later.
Pacey and Andie take their coffee with them as the stand up from the table where they just had dinner to situate themselves on the couch. Instead of TV, they are listening the radio, the music filling the room gently and softly.
She watches as he nestles himself in to her couch.
"Someone's getting all comfy," she smiles widely while she jokes with him and sits down besides him.
"I'm getting all comfy as you so deftly put it because I want to know something," he looks at Andie, her expressions still the same and it comforts him.
"You want to know something?" She says lightly touching his upper arm.
"I want to know where you've been, what you've done for what the last 10 years?" Pacey shakes his head for a second.
"What?" She asks.
"Has it really been 10 years? How did that happen? Us not keeping in better contact." He smiles softly at her brushing his hand against hers.
"So do you want the long or short version?" She asks rather exuberantly.
He looks at his watch and she playfully swats him on the arm.
"Well, can you give me an in between version?"
She smiles and nods her head.
"Where to begin...," she thinks her eyes going downwards to stare at the couch for a moment before beginning. "You know that I deferred Harvard for a year," she starts as he nods his head. "I decided that I really didn't need the pressure of going to school and learning at that time in my life but the world has a way of teaching you by just you being it in. During that year, I discovered who Andie McPhee really is and while I always knew what I wanted, I really knew after that year. So, I went to Harvard and got involved. You know me, Miss Involvement or at least I try," she stopped for a minute. "Anyway, I experienced college life. I did spring break and pledged a sorority but decided that wasn't for me so, I involved myself more with my fellow pre-med classmates and worked on research projects including one on environmental medicine. I buried myself in school work," she sighs thinking back.
“Well, but go to the interesting part: all these years in Europe, the wild ones,” Andie can’t help but laugh. “What about that?” Pacey grins.
“I wouldn’t call them the wild years, although there were some quite days,” she laughs and Pacey looks at her with a ‘really?’ face, but she doesn’t go further. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Anyway, so my years in Europe. I loved Italy. It’s such an interesting country. I loved Rome and Venice. I was amazed the first time I saw the Coliseum. Really impressing. It was at night, and my aunt was driving around the city because we were looking for our hotel. And then we took a curve, and straight there, there it was. Majestic. All lighted up, shining in the dark night. The cars passing by one way and the other, but somehow all I could see was the coliseum and how beautiful it was.”
Then she goes on about Venice, and even the time she visited London and Madrid, even if just for a few days each.
“I’m serious Pacey, the world is so big,” she says enthusiastically, opening her arms and gesturing with her hands, an excited smile on her lips. And Pacey can say that is true, he can see it in her eyes: the world is big, and is worth it.
“I can’t wait to go back to Italy, and visit my family in there too. Now they’re the ones I miss. They were so good to me,” and her face softens as she thinks of them.
“Will you take me with you?” Pacey asks, suddenly, catching her off guard. He is actually as surprised as she is that he has actually said that. But now that he has, it sounds totally right.
Andie looks at him. He is smiling big, his eyes gleaming, lightly leaning forward to her, and she can’t help but feel a tingle in her stomach.
“You made it sound as such a grand adventure that I just don’t wanna miss it. I promise you a trip on a gondola in that Venice of yours,” Pacey smiles even wider.
Andie smiles at the though, then laughs, warming up to the unexpected proposition at every second that pass by.
“Fine, we have a deal.” She beams at him, leaning forward to him as well.
Unexpectedly, Pacey plants a firm kiss in her forehead. It lingers a little longer than usual as Andie leans on him and closes her eyes, smiling.
“You used to do that all the time,” she murmurs softly as Pacey, his eyes closed as well, smiles against her forehead before she moves away.
“I know. I just realized it,” he stares at her. “It felt good to do it again” < a beat > "So how was graduation?" he asks, curious and trying to get back on topic, even though he can still feel Andie’s warm skin under his lips, making him feel warm himself. It’s sweet, tender warmth.
She laughs a little bit.
"Nowhere near as exciting as what happened in Capeside with the water going off and all and the speech wasn't all that interesting either. I was just interested in moving on. I enjoyed my undergrad experience, don't get me wrong, I was just ready to get to what I had been preparing for, medical school."
"So then you started...” He motions with his hand for her to continue, as if it was taking her too long to explain things. She playfully swats his hand.
"I then started Harvard Medical School. I really thrived and I loved every part of medical school even all of the sleepless nights and weeks where I was exhausted but I knew that in the end I would have achieved what I had always wanted, to be a doctor."
Pacey nods his head.
"I'm sure you've helped a lot of people just like that woman today in the hospital and the little boy and his dad."
Andie smiles and nods her head, "I try," she stops for a second, "but you know there is one person out of everyone that I have helped that stands above the rest," she smiles, her eyes full of admiration. He is caught off guard at her comment and chuckles lightly.
"The feeling is mutual," he smiles brightly at her.
There is silence in the room for a moment as they both just look at each other. Then Andie’s gaze wanders to the table, where the leftovers of the dinner are still spread over.
“I think I better do some cleaning,” she says as she stands up, and Pacey does the same, they both nearing the table.
But just then a song starts playing in the radio, and Pacey loves it.
(“As time goes by”, by Frank Sinatra, starts playing in the background)
“Wait a minute, let’s dance,” he says, grabbing Andie’s arm and turning her around to face him.
“What?” she asks surprised as Pacey walks to the radio and turn up the volume, Sinatra’s voice clear and loud in the air.
You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still (just) a sigh
“I bet you don’t have any idea of how my dancing skills have improved over the years,” he says, putting his left arm behind his back and extending his right hand to Andie. "Miss McPhee would you dance with me?"
He smiles charmingly, and Andie eyes him and then burst out laughing.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
"I'd love to Mr. Witter," she says as she moves closer to him.
He holds her hand as they move to another part of the living room where there is more room, fairly close together looking at each other.
And when two lovers woo
They still say: "I love you"
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by
"This is nice," she says watching him nod his head. He breaks the moment catching her off guard twirling her around and she laughs.
"You’re right, someone's been practicing his dancing skills but then again you were always a good dancer. Do you remember that high school dance?" She asks he nods his head.
Moonlight and love songs - never out of date
Hearts full of passion - jealousy and hate
Woman needs man - and man must have his mate
That no one can deny
"Sometimes that time seems like a million years ago, sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday," he sighs.
"So much has changed since then," she adds.
It’s still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
"There are some things that haven't though," he says letting the thought linger in the air as they continue to dance and as the camera moves away, we can see them still chatting and dancing, laughing and just enjoying their time together.
As time goes by
*****
Wednesday.
Grams and Jack – Hope dies last.
Jack’s house, Capeside, early in the morning
Grams watches as Jack rushes around the kitchen so early in the morning.
“Where’s the fire?” She asks but does not get a response from Jack. She manages to catch him as he passes her by again, “Jack?”
He looks at her rather confused, “What?”
“I asked why you are in such a hurry this early in the morning.”
“Sorry,” he says as he goes over to pour coffee but instead of putting it in a cup he puts it on his cereal instead.
Grams face shows concern, this isn’t funny and not like Jack at all. She goes over to him placing her hand on top of his.
“Jack come sit down with me for a moment.”
She takes what he has in his hands and places them on the counter and guides him over to the table. They both sit down Jack with a blank stare of his face.
“We haven’t had much time to talk lately. You get home late and…,” her voice trails off.
He puts his hand on top of hers.
“I’m sorry. You know how it is these days. I get out of school late after meetings or tutoring sessions then head over to see Amy before she goes to bed. Then, I get home and eat dinner while grading papers.” He looks down as she places another hand on top of his other hand.
“I’ll never understand why she wants Amy,” she says shaking her head. “Maybe she thinks she can do a better job then she did with Jen,”
Jack looks at her with a puzzled look on his face. “I know she’s your daughter but I refuse to let her gain custody of Amy. Just think what Jen would say to that!” Jack gets up and begins to pace back and forth.
“Lets not think about that right now,” Grams goes to pour herself and Jack a cup of coffee.
“You want me to not think about this right now?” Jack asks sounding rather perturbed that she would even suggest that.
She goes to sit back down.
“We have time and we have options Jack,” she nods her head as she speaks.
“I’m not to sure about that,” he adds causing her to look at him rather perplexed.
“Why? I know you spoke to the lawyer the other day. What did they say?”
Jack shakes his head.
“It doesn’t look good. Helen does have a few, rather crafty ways to get what she wants and she wants Amy.”
The both sit there for a moment in silence.
“Look at the time,” he looks at the clock on the wall and begins gathering his things.
“Jack?” Grams asks watching as Jack stops dead cold with what he is doing.
“Remember one thing, Jen wanted you to have Amy and no matter what happens that will never change.” She looks at Jack and smiles.
“Yeah well, I just hope that ‘someone’ sees that too. How about if I come home early tonight? I don’t have any tutoring sessions or meetings and I can go see Amy early. Have dinner together?”
Grams nods her head and smiles gently, “Okay.”
“I’ve got to go see you tonight.”
As the front door closes, Grams goes over to the kitchen sink to place the dishes in them then turns around. She is concerned, very concerned, about what is yet to come.
Capeside High School teachers lounge.
Jack pours another cup of coffee. He’s been in there for a little while now, talking to the principal about what’s been going on with Amy.
"Jack, I’m really sorry to hear your going through this," she says sympathetically.
"Yeah, me too," he says as he faces the principal and leans against the counter.
"I have a friend that went through the same thing a few years back," she admits. "And, I know how hard it was for him." She pauses. "I just want you to know that if there’s anything you need, someone to talk to, anything like that, I’m here if you need me for support."
Jack offers a small smile. "Thank you."
There is another lapse of silence.
"Uh, do you have a picture of her?" she asks. Jack smiles and reaches for his wallet. He loves to show Amy’s picture off to people.
Jack hands her the picture. "This was taken a few months ago. That’s Amy’s great grandmother there," he says as he points to Grams. This is his favorite picture. They were all in included- the only one that was missing was Jen. He tries to push that thought aside for the time being.
"Aww, I think you guys make a wonderful family," she says, looking down at the picture for a few more seconds. She then hands the picture back to Jack. He looks down at the picture and smiles before putting it back into his wallet.
"Yeah." He stares down at the coffee in the mug.
“Wanna talk about it? I got time,” the principal says.
At first, Jack is surprised by her offer. He knows she is a nice woman, but he didn’t know she was that interested on him and his situation. And it may be nice, for a change, to talk with someone that doesn’t know that much about his past and how he got himself into this situation, called his actual life.
(“The only one” by Tracy Chapman, starts playing in the background)
“Well… where to start” he asks himself out loud, turning the mug of coffee in between his hands.
“They say that the beginning is usually a good place”, the principal offers gently, smiling at him.
She was the only one
Of my flesh and blood
Now I have no calling
I can do no worldly good
“The beginning… the beginning of all this I guess it is when my older brother died and my whole fake happy family went crumbling down. My mother lost it, my father wasn’t able to cope and deal with it, my sister took over all the responsibility, hence suffering nervous breakdowns, and I hided and faded in the background because
I felt that there was something wrong with me. So we moved in here, thinking I guess, that if we left our past behind in another place, we could start all over again. That was wrong. So things in here at first seemed to go well, but then the truth hit us, like it always do. My mother needed assistance, my father left, Andie had some mental illness and I found out, in the middle of all that, that I was gay.
It was a disaster. A totally and utterly disaster…”
I sit silent
I sit mourning
I sit listless all the day
I've mostly lost the voice to speak
And any words to say except
Does heaven have enough angels yet?
We see images of Jack talking to the principal as she listens intensely, the coffee forgotten long ago, while Jack pours his heart out.
“So I moved to Jen’s house that summer. She practically rescued me,” he smiles at the memory of Jen showing up at the bus station that day. “She is the best thing that ever happened to me. And she happened in the least expected place, she was the least expected person. We had hardly met that year and there she was: opening her home to me, and her heart. To the rest of the world, even to her own grandma, she was just a troubled girl, wild and carefree. But I learnt to know her better. I could she inside of her.”
I've gone hard
And I've gone cold
I can't make the piece of this cracked life fit
Please forgive me for wanting to know
Does heaven have enough angels yet?
There is a pause in the conversation as Jack stares through a window, pensive.
“Of course, we had our fights, we distanced from each other for a while, but then we came back. It couldn’t be any other way: she belonged to me, it was the way it should be,” and the principal knows that once again he is lost in a memory, although this time it seems to be a sad one. “Then college was done and she moved away and I stayed, but still, I could always feel her. We talked and I visited her occasionally, and she would come by here very far and between, because she wasn’t that crazy about Capeside,” he chuckles. “Never was. Then Amy happened and I tried to be there for her, but I’m afraid I didn’t succeed much. And she never told me about her illness because if I had knew, I would have dropped everything and took her somewhere, anywhere she wanted to go, would have done with her anything she had wanted to do. Maybe Costa Rica.” he laughs softly. “But now is too late, I lost my soul mate and the only thing that remains from her is that precious baby, my daughter. And they wanna take her away,” he sips of his coffee and looks at the principal, who has tears in her eyes. “Yeah I know, pretty depressing huh?” he tries to joke, but the principal knows better and she just places a hand over his.
She was the only one
Of my own flesh and blood
Sometimes I hear her calling
Straight from the house of god
“Not everything is bad though. I mean, I realized that I wanted to be a teacher soon once my wild college days were over, and that’s who I am. I’ve fell in and out of love several times, and each one of them has been special and has thought me something. And that’s what matters I think: to learn everyday, to share that knowledge… I guess that’s why I love my job so much. I have a sister I love with all my heart, I have friends that are proving me day after day that they’re by my side through it all and I know… I know that I’m gonna keep Amy. It has to be that way,” he says, wrinkling his eyebrows.
“Seems like you have a lot going on in your life for being such a young man Jack. But you also seem to be a strong man and I’m glad to know you have people to support you through all of this. I want you to know that you have one more right here in front of you Mr. McPhee. And I am sure you got more people that you could ever know.”
She was the only one
Of my own flesh and blood
Jack looks at her surprised, then a smile forms slowly on his face and he nods his head.
“Thank you” he mutters.
"Well Jack McPhee, I’ve got to get back to work,” the principal says, her voice lighter than before, “but, thank you for sharing that with me," she says, smiling. "I’d be interested in knowing how everything turns out."
Sometimes I hear her calling
Jack smiles.
"All right."
She smiles at him once more before leaving the faculty room. Jack sighs as he pulls the picture out once more and looks into the happy faces staring back at him.
Straight from the house of god
Later, a classroom at Capeside High School.
Sitting at his desk, Jack is grading papers during his lunch hour when he hears a knock on his classroom door.
"Mr. McPhee?" The young lady says that has knocked on his door, he looks up and smiles, "Come on in Allison." He motions for her to enter the room.
"I didn't want to bother you during your lunch hour," she says as she moves towards Jack's desk.
"That’s okay my lunch hour is almost over," Jack looks at the clock as does Allison.
"Yeah I know. I wanted to talk to you before class."
Jack looks at her with a bit of concern.
"Everything okay?" He questions as Allison sits down in one of the chairs at the front of the room.
"Yeah everything is okay. I just wanted to thank you for the other day," Jack nods his head understanding.
"I understand. You may not think I do but I do."
"Really?" She asks her eyes wide.
"Yes, I do." Jack states standing up and moving from behind his desk to sit on the edge his legs dangling over the side of the desk. "I was once your age you know," this causes them both to laugh. "You see I wrote this poem for my English class and well, it was quite the talk of the school so, history has a way of coming back around at you in odd ways at times."
"I kind of didn't know if I wanted to say anything but it was kind of bugging me so I did," she fidgets in her seat.
"I know the feeling and sometimes writing it down is the only way to get out what you are feeling and that's okay and you are always going to have the people that don't appreciate what you wrote but what is important is that you like what you wrote."
"Jack," a voice says from the doorway.
"Yeah."
"Don't forget the department meeting during 7th period today."
"I've got it down," Jack quickly waves at the man standing in the doorway. The bell rings signaling the end of his lunch hour, "Just remember you get to hear what everyone else writes since you went first," Jack smiles at Allison and she nods.
The students begin to come in to classroom.
"Hey Mr. McPhee did you catch the game last night?" Mike, captain of the basketball team asks.
"I taped it but haven't had time to watch it. I was grading all of your tests," he hears a general groan from the students as he holds up their papers and begins to hand them back. "I gave some of you partial credit for your ingenious answers," the class laughs as does Jack.
"We'll go over your tests at the end of class. I'd like to continue with your writing assignment so, who wants to go next," Jack looks around the room as a couple of students raise their hands.
And the scene fades to…
"Sorry I'm late had a student stop by that needed some help," Jack says as he rushes in to the room placing his backpack on the floor.
"That’s okay we haven't really started yet," Jeff, the department head, says rather loudly causing everyone to go to their seats to begin the meeting. "We have a lot to get through this meeting so let’s stay focused and really get a lot done. Jack since you were the last one in the door, let’s start with you. Since we are winding down the school year does how is everyone doing on their nominations for student awards?"
Jack opens up his notebook.
"Well, I talked with everyone here and we all have a good idea on who our awards will go to."
Jeff nods his head, "Okay then it is on to new business since that is the only thing left from the last meeting. Next on our agenda is deciding whether or not to keep our current books or get new ones."
"You mean we are actually going to get money for textbooks?" Alice says sarcastically causing everyone to laugh.
"This year and last we have some a dramatic improvement on how many students return their books at the end of the year and how many of them are bringing them to class because of the new policy we instated, thanks to Jack."
Everyone glances at Jack who smiles shyly.
As the meeting continues on, Jack listens and interacts as his fellow teachers discuss their students and ideas for the English department next year.
Once the meeting comes to a close, the teachers go their separate ways in the parking lot. Jack stops to glance back at Capeside High and for a fleeting moment, he remembers a time that in one way seems so long ago and another seems just like yesterday.
He shakes his head and smiles, then turns around and gets in his car driving out of the parking lot.
Potter Bed and Breakfast.
Jack moved quickly up the Potter B&B’s stairs, anxious to see Amy. He always enjoys coming to see her in the early evening.
He stands at the door for a moment before knocking looking down at his hand and the small box that is in it. He knocks on the door and it opens slowly and he is surprised to see just Amy standing there in her sleeper ready for bed.
"Daddy!" Amy squeals and giggles causing Jack to smile widely and go to tickle her stomach.
"So, Miss Amy how come you are the one answering the door?" He says lightly still tickling her stomach as she continues to laugh. "Bessie?"
Jack picks up Amy who squirms in his grasp as he moves inside the house to shut the door. He jumps when he sees Bessie behind the door.
"Geez!" Jack exclaims, his hand going to his chest, then laughing.
"Sorry Jack.” Bessie laughs, “I heard a car pull up and figured it would be you so I thought it would be cute for it to look like Amy opened the door," she says going over to tickle Amy in the stomach and caress her arm lightly.
"Come on in, sit down," she motions to the kitchen table.
Jack sits down with Amy on his lap. He strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head as she moves around trying to get down off of his lap but he continues to try and hold her, but doesn't succeed. He lets her off of his lap and watches her as she goes in to the living room to pick up a toy.
"She's got some new toys," Bessie explains as they both watch Amy pick up a block and throw it in to the air. "That’s the new thing that she likes to do. Throw the block up in the air and she laughs if it hits her on the head," Bessie shakes her head and then smiles looking over at Amy once again.
"Kids are too funny," Jack softly smiles looking down for a moment knowing that it seems like he is missing out on many things when it comes to Amy.
"So, how have you been Jack?" Bessie asks.
"What? Since yesterday?" Jack jokes.
"Jack you know we don't mind..." her voice trails off as she glances once again in to the living room to catch a glimpse of Amy.
"I know, but it’s still hard," Jack places the small box on the table as Bessie brings two coffee mugs and a pot of coffee over to the table.
"Of course it’s hard but I'm so glad that we can help you and you'll get her back," she sits down next to Jack and pours the coffee.
Amy walks over to Jack and hands her a toy.
"So what's this?" He asks in a lighthearted tone.
"Ah, the coveted squeeze box as we like to call it. It’s her favorite toy she doesn't share that with anyone," Bessie smiles at Amy. "Right Amy?"
Amy drops the toy and puts her arms out for Jack to pick her up. She cuddles against him and he closes his eyes putting his arms tighter around her.
"Jack?" Bessie says softly. "What’s in the box?" She points to the small box that Jack had placed on the table.
He grabs the box off of the table and begins to open it then pulls it out of the box. He holds it up for Bessie to see.
"It’s a locket," Jack states. "I know she’s probably too young for this but...."
"Well..." Bessie begins, "maybe not," she adds. "I got a locket from my mom when I was only 3 and I still have it." She goes to take it from Jack and holds it in her hand. "Hang on," she says as she leaves the kitchen going in to a bedroom.
"See," she says as she comes back in to the kitchen.
She hands Jack the locket and he opens it.
"Your mom and Joey," he says as he looks at the pictures inside the locket.
"Did you put any pictures inside the locket?" Bessie asks.
"No, not yet. I just wanted her to have something around her to remember us by," Jack strokes Amy's back.
"Jack what you do everyday is something for Amy to remember, you come see her. You know how important that is right?" Jack nods his head. "How about if you give me the pictures that you want to go in to the locket and I'll take it and do that and then you can leave it here with us or you can hang on to it."
"Okay deal," he smiles then looks down at Amy who has fallen asleep.
"It’s her bedtime anyway," Bessie whispers. "Why don't you put her to bed?"
Jack stands up carefully so as to not wake her and takes her in to her bedroom, placing her in her bed. He covers her up and kisses her on the nose.
"Sleep tight little angel. Daddy will come and see you again tomorrow."
Sometime later, at Jack’s house.
It’s still early in the evening by the time Jack arrives home, as he promised Grams. She is already back from her church meeting and getting dinner ready, but until that is done, she is sitting in the couch going through some old photo albums. And there is where Jack finds her.
“Aw, hi there Jack,” she greets him, motioning for him to sit down by her side.
And so he does, dropping his bag in the floor before flopping down next to Gram, who closes the album over her hand, that she keeps inside to mark the page where she was at.
“How was Amy?” she asks gently.
“Lovely as always,” Jack replies with a smile, “haven’t you seen her today?”
“Oh yes, I did. This afternoon. I gave her lunch then Bessie put her to sleep,” Grams smiles, thinking of her pretty baby.
It’s only then that Jack realizes she has an album in her lap.
“What pictures are those ones?” he asks, nodding his head to the album.
(“Mood music”, an instrumental piece, starts playing in the background)
“Oh, these” Grams says, opening the album and showing them to him. “Just some very old pictures. Pictures of me and Jen’s grandpa and Jen’s mother… I look at them and I am sad to see that they all are gone now. Even my own daughter, in her own way, closed the door to me”.
Jack looks at the pictures first, at Grams then. Passing an arm around her shoulders, he kisses her temple lovingly. Grams smiles and pats his hand over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry things between you and Helen didn’t work out. And that this whole Amy thing are making them even harder”.
“She should respect her daughter’s last wish, that’s all. I can understand wanting to mend her mistakes on Amy, just like I did with Jen. I wasn’t the greatest mother around neither, and I know it. Too stern, too religious, I was more into pleasing God than pleasing my family. By the time I realized it, I couldn’t do anything to bring her back. My husband, he was such a good men, he understood and forgave. But Helen never truly did. I didn’t attend her as she needed, and I guess that we all paid the consequences later. Even my Jennifer.”
“Don’t say that. It is true that your family has a great influence on you, but ultimately you are the one who chooses your own path: you can carry the resentment and bitter memories with you and put them upon other people’s shoulder, or you can start all over again and be the person you want to be instead of the person they made of you. Every day is changing; everyday you have to make the decision to move in the right way. One step today, one step tomorrow.”
Grams just nods her head as in agreement, but says nothing as she passes the pages of the album and we see different pictures of the Ryan family at different moments in their life.
“One step today and one step tomorrow,” Grams says suddenly, and Jack looks up at her, although she is still passing through pages of the album. “That is exactly what we’re gonna do Jackers,” she says, looking at him and closing the album. “I made a decision today. I’ve been thinking about it and… if Helen has a bigger chance of winning Amy’s custody for being a direct relative, so do I. I’m gonna fight against
her.” and there is a tone of pain hidden in her voice as she says this. She is sad that she will have to fight against her, but she is determined to do it.
“Are you sure? I mean, this could be…”
“This could be nothing. Things between me and Helen are already ruined, and if she takes Amy away, that is something that I could never forgive her. So I want to go with you to the lawyer in New York and talk to him, see what chances we have if I ask for her custody as well. After all, her mother had been living with me for the last ten years, that has to count for something”.
“I suppose,” Jack says, still not knowing if to feel worried or exhilarated about this. Should he have some hope now? Or maybe he is getting himself ready for a fall?
“So you really wanna go to NY and talk this all out with the lawyer?”
“Yes, I do. I want Amy back. For as long as I can have her, I want her back, I want her here at home, where she belongs. Bessie is being absolutely loving and perfect for her, and I thank her and God for that. But this is where Amy belongs, and this is where she will be. Just have a little faith in me Jack,” she says, patting his hand reassuringly.
“I am even afraid to imagine it. It was only a few months ago that we had to give her to foster care, but sometimes it feels like years. Having Amy back, having her here at the end of the day, in her room, being able to walk into in the middle of the night and just watch her sleep, or give her the breakfast in the morning…” he smiles at Grams, half imagining the possible future, half remembering of the old days where it was just like that.
The beep of the oven sounds and Grams stands up, placing the album in her spot in the sofa.
“Be right back.”
When she leaves, Jack takes the album. A young Helen smiles at him from the picture.
*To be continued ...*