Jack paced back and forth in front of Jen, running his hands through his hair.
“I can’t believe he found me. How did he find me? Jen? What’s going on? Why is he here? I can’t believe this.”
Jen put her arms around him, ending his pacing. “Jack, you have got to get a grip! He’s cute. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about him.”
Jack, for his part, was near hyperventilation.
“Jen, I cannot deal with this. I can’t. I meet him on a bus, we exchange names and stories. That was supposed to be the end of it. I–I . . . I can’t . . . Jesus Christ!”
“So – you’re from around here?” Pacey sat on the sofa across from Ethan, trying to strike up conversation. He could clearly hear Jack talking to Jen in the back of the house and he wanted to talk above them so that, if Jack were to say something regrettable, at least Ethan wouldn’t hear. When he had first set eyes on Ethan in his kitchen, he had made only the barest of greetings and then asked Jen if he could see her in private. This had left Pacey with this stranger, unsure of what to say.
“Um, yeah. Originally. I’ve been away at boarding school, though.” Ethan, too, seemed to want to talk in order to escape any possibility of eavesdropping.
“How do you like that?”
“Boarding school?
“Yeah.”
“Oh, it’s alright. A hell of a lot better than Capeside.”
“You can say that again. Anywhere would be better than Capeside.”
“Are you a friend of Jen’s?” Ethan said, changing the subject.
“Jack and Jen, yeah. We all go to school together. Jack just moved here last year.” He was stuck between twin desires to talk over other voices and not to give away confidences Jack didn’t want given away.
Ethan nodded. “Oh. How long have you lived here?”
“Forever,” Pacey said, grinning. “Good ole Capeside.”
“Don’t knock it until you’ve been away for a year. It’s not so bad.”
“Maybe not.”
Jen pulled Jack down next to her on the bed. “First of all, you need to be quiet. Pacey and Ethan are out there right now, probably hearing every word of this. If you want to walk out there in a few minutes and have Ethan still be sitting there, you have to calm down.” She was almost yelling, but she didn’t know any other way to make him listen to her. She lowered her voice when she saw that he was going to be quiet. She moved between screaming and gentleness with ease. “And I can tell from your face that you do want Ethan to be there . . .” She paused for a breath. “Second of all, this is not that bad. I understand that you’re scared. I understand that this is incredibly hard and believe me I understand that every time you’re confronted with the possibility of romance, you walk into a firing round of self-doubt that would level to the ground most average people’s souls.”
“Jennie, I love the way you put things,” he said sincerely.
She smiled, but continued firmly. “Also – and I know you’re not going to like this, but I’m going to say it anyway – you have to learn how to deal with this fear you have. I’m not trying to discount the fear, I’m just trying to tell you that, Jack, you’re hurting people. Worst of all, you’re hurting yourself because you’re not taking chances that could lead to great things. Any one of these people you’ve turned down because of your fear could have been your destiny.”
He nodded slowly. “I know, I know. Everything you’re saying is true, but I just can’t . . . I want to, but I can’t.”
“You can, alright? You can . . . Let’s go out there, okay? I’ll hold your hand.” She placed his hand in hers and led him out into the living room.
Pacey breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jack and Jen reappear in the living room. Even as they tried to hide it behind their sweaters, Pacey could see their hands linked.
Jen broke the silence. “So, are you guys going to help us decorate this tree or what?”
Pacey and Ethan stood up in unison, and said “I think I should leave.”
In unison, Jack and Jen said “no.”
Everyone laughed and moved to a more comfortable configuration on the sofas. Jack and Jen broke hands and Jack sat uncomfortably next to Ethan, while Jen sat down next to Pacey, who was just as uncomfortable as she was. Jack stood up.
“Do you guys want some water?”
Ethan stood up with him. “Yeah, I would. I’ll come with you.”
Jack motioned for him to follow him into the kitchen. Jack got out four glasses and pulled the ice tray out of the freezer.
“So . . . how’s it going, Lindley?” Pacey asked Jen gently after Jack and Ethan had left the room.
“Good. And you?”
“Oh, you know, the usual. Nothing special. My parents skipped town on me for the holidays.”
“Well, aren’t we a bunch of homeless people.”
Pacey nodded and tried to endure the silence.
“I shouldn’t have come. I just . . . I saw Jack at Taste of China and I guess I was . . .”
“You were lonely, Pacey, and it’s Christmas Eve. We’re friends. There’s nothing wrong with you being here. I like you being here. Don’t think another thought about it.”
Uncomfortable silence ensued even with both of their assurances that things between them were not awkward.
“Listen, Jack. I’m sorry for coming. I had no idea it would be a problem for you,” Ethan assured Jack.
Jack smiled graciously. “No. It’s no problem. But can I ask a question?”
Ethan looked please, and responded, “of course, anything.”
“How did you find me?”
Ethan chewed the fingernail of his first finger, an obvious sign of nervousness of shame, Jack couldn’t decide. “You said your name was Jack McPhee. Well, I ran the gamut of possible spellings. McFee. MacFee. MacPhee. Anyway, finally found a listing. Your dad told me you didn’t live there, though, and gave me this number.”
“My father?” Jack was dumbfounded.
“Yeah. Was there – was there something wrong with that?”
Jack stared into space, trying to decide, but finally shook his head. “No. No, not at all. So he just gave you this number?”
“Yeah, he gave it to me after I told him his son is the most attractive guy I’d met in months and I was wondering if he knew where I might find said son so that I could ask him a date, if possible, and if not, abduct him and take him off to a far-off place to live in a hut and eat coconuts,” Ethan told Jack coyly.
Jack went flush white, and Ethan burst out laughing. “I’m kidding, Jack. I was . . . just attempting to lighten the mood.”
Jack threw his head back, trying to laugh.
“Am I making you uncomfortable? Because if I am, I can leave. It was never my intention to scare you.”
Jack smiled at him bravely. “I know. I’m just . . .”
“. . . new to this?” Ethan finished.
“Yeah. But anyway, I’m glad that you came. Grams isn’t home, or otherwise we would have some decent food around here.”
“Grams? Jen is your cousin?”
Jack was confused. “No . . . Oh, you mean because of ‘Grams.’ Nah. I just call her that because . . . because she’s better than a grandmother to me. She took me in last year. She’s a great lady. She’s Jen’s Grams, not mine.” He grinned, just thinking of her.
Ethan was interested and nodded helpfully. Jack began to relax in his company and they took the water back to the living room together.
They walked into a tense room. Jack felt immediately that something was going on between Pacey and Jen that neither of them had told him. He tried to glance at her in such a way that she might ask him back to his bedroom for yet another talk. She didn’t return his gaze, though.
“Hey, Jack? I’ve got some tinsel out in my truck. I was thinking we could make some use of it. Want to come get it with me?”
Jack nodded at Pacey. “Sure.” Then, he followed Pacey outside. From this vantage-point, they could both see inside Dawson’s house.
“What are they up to tonight?” Jack nodded at the Leery’s house.
“I think they went to church. Joey went along with them, I heard. Probably all playing a board game or painting ornaments or something equally It’s-A-Wonderful-Life-esque right around this time.”
Jack laughed, then asked, “So, where’s this tinsel you spoke of?”
“I don’t have any tinsel. I kind of wanted to pick your brain about something.”
“Oh?”
Ethan and Jen sat across from each other. He handed her a cup of water. “You and Jack live together here?” He asked her a question which he thought would be neutral ground, even if that meant asking a question he already knew the answer to.
“Yeah, and my grandmother.”
“Ah.”
“But I’m originally from New York,” she supplied, to keep the conversation going.
“Really? What would make you come to Capeside of all places?” he asked, laughing.
“My parents threw me out.” She didn’t mince words.
He was taken aback and swallowed his drink quickly. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“God, that must have sucked.” She was amazed at Ethan; he was surprisingly adept at making people feel comfortable. She didn’t feel as if her life was being pried open with a rusty hanger the way she did when most acquaintances asked her about her relationship with her estranged parents.
“I got over it. And it really helped that Jack went through something similar. We go together well. I mean, we kind of . . . fill in each other’s gaps.”
Ethan smiled. “That’s nice.”
Jen breathed in and out, waiting for Ethan to ask her about Jack.
“I really debated coming tonight.”
Jen looked up.
“I didn’t know if Jack would want to see me or if I should be so forward. But my parents were having this horrible party and I thought – what the hell?. Going to see him can’t do any harm. And I figured you’d be the best person to ask. Is he glad that I’m here? Because I’m certainly beginning to feel like . . .”
She cut him off. “Of course he’s glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re here. Pacey’s glad you’re here. We’re just one, big . . .”
He cut her off. “. . . happy family? With all due respect, you and Pacey don’t seem to have a lot of harmony at the moment.”
She didn’t respond, but instead took a long drink of water.
“I was wondering if Jen’s said anything about . . . us?” Pacey asked Jack, back in the truck.
“You and me?” Jack asked, shocked.
“No, no,” Pacey laughed. “Me and Jen.”
Jack stared at him, confused. “I don’t know what you mean. She hasn’t said anything about you, no.”
“Oh,” Pacey said, wondering what had caused such a rift between Jack and Jen that she wouldn’t have shared something like that with her best friend.
“What’s going on, Pacey?”
Pacey deflected the question. “The real question is: what’s going on between you and that Ethan guy?”
Jack blushed. “I don’t know. I met him on the train back from Boston. He looked me up and showed up at our door. End of story.”
“End of story?” Pacey asked suggestively, “or beginning?”
“You’re full of shit, you know that, Pacey?”
“And proud of it,” Pacey said, flashing his best smile.
Pacey followed Jack into the house while thinking of a lie to cover himself. “We couldn’t find the tinsel. Wonder where it went . . .?” Pacey turned to Jack, who was being no help at all.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. We’ve got plenty here,” Jen contributed.
Jack stared at them, more and more sure in light of Pacey’s questions at the truck, that there was something going on.