The set of "The Creek" at Los Angeles.
We see Dawson and Todd overseeing some more rehearsals. Dawson seems to be deep in thought and Todd is just watching the activity happening right in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest.
"It just isn’t that simple…I wish that it were." Dawson’s unexpected words make Todd turn around and look at him funny. "But that is one thing about Joey and me. We have never been… simple."
"I knew it. Still thinking about her, huh?" Todd kinda mocks him.
It looks as if Dawson is not going to say anything else about it, but then he begins to speak as if he can’t really help himself, rapidly and with some distress, as if his doubts have been bottled up inside him waiting to come out.
"I just can’t go through it again. I just can’t. How many times has Joey said she wanted me or wanted to be with me in the past…and then left me. Even if her reasons were good, or even if it was the right thing for her to do at the time….how many times should I have to go through that? I just can’t do it again. It's just been too long." Dawson is clearly becoming upset. He takes a moment to calm down and thinks for a minute. "She means too much to me. I just don’t think I can." He says more calmly.
"Why the hell not?" Todd exclaims bracingly. "I know you never have a problem finding a date, and you’ve had a full social calendar with the ladies since you moved here, even though the greater part of those flings went nowhere. But once again, is that what you want for the rest of your life?" Dawson doesn’t reply. "Listen, Leery. You’ve been writing about this girl for years. Hell, this whole Creek show you have here is practically a friggin scripted paean to her. So love hurts. That’s the stinking part of it….at least that’s what I hear. But tell me you don’t think of her. Go on, tell me!" Todd commands him almost as if he is angry. "Isn’t this show just the chance at a ‘do-over’, to make everything turn out the way that you want it to in the end?" he challenges Dawson.
"Of course I think of her," Dawson replies almost defensively. "And when I’m not thinking about her….well, she’s here with me anyway," he continues more softly. " She’s like a part of me and I feel her with me even if she isn’t here, or even if I haven’t spoken to her for years, or even when I haven’t been thinking about her. Even when I purposefully put her out of my mind, it doesn’t make any difference. She’s just…there."
"Well, that should tell you something," Todd remarks reasonably.
"I’ve gone on with my life," Dawson explains in a rational tone. "I have lived my life these last five years basically without her being in my life…and I’ve done just fine," he states almost proudly. "Things are so much…calmer….rational….lacking angst. I like it that way," he declares with perhaps false bravado. But then his face shadows and he looks a little sad.
"I’ve really tried to let her go and let her…let us…be happy, even if it means being apart. Things just seem to go so…wrong…when we try to get together in any way other than friendship. And it got to the point that we couldn’t really just be friends anymore. Not that we had to sleep together, but just that there was always this …undercurrent….or maybe our past…that kept coming up. I thought that day six years ago was finally our time to be together and get it right…but I was wrong. Then five years passed almost in a minute, and then I found myself seeing her after a long while at my mom’s wedding, and it was still there. At least for me. That strange dual relationship. On the one hand, friends for life whether we see each other or not…but also something there that to me is not just friendship." Dawson is lost in thought, almost speaking to himself. Then he comes back to the present and looks directly at Todd, who has uncharacteristically remained silent while Dawson has been speaking.
"I thought maybe there was a small chance for us…a spark that had not gone out," Dawson continues, "…but she chose Pacey. Wasn’t interested in me at all…that way. Decided that she’d been running away from Pacey all these years….and yeah, it hurt a little. I had always thought…or maybe hoped…deep down inside…that it was me that she was avoiding. But she was just so sure it was Pacey, and I guess he gave her something their a relationship… some kind of excitement or crazy quality that I don’t," he shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe he was just a "bad boy" phase…I don’t know. But then they last three months - and apparently there is no hope of a reconciliation - and then I end up coming to New York, and Joey and I hang out…and the next thing you know, we are back to being Dawson and Joey again, almost as if all this time has not passed. Only better….in many ways, because we're no longer children…or even teenagers. And we put the emotional trauma behind us so we really could start anew."
Dawson pauses a moment in this serious assessment of his thoughts and feelings for Joey. Todd just listens patiently. He knows that it is important for Dawson to talk about this, and for now he just needs to listen.
"But being with her and seeing her these past months has just revived my feelings and thoughts and memories about her…and for her." Dawson continues. He pauses. "Feelings and thoughts and memories I have been trying so hard to forget…or at least…put out of my mind to just go on with my life. What can I say?" Dawson pauses again. When Todd doesn’t say anything, he continues, almost as if rationalizing his behavior with Joey. "We just have so much history together, and as much of it was awful and painful and a teenager’s nightmare…a lot of it was…wonderful. It is hard not to think about it."
Dawson stops talking and looks a little discomfited about talking so long about such a personal subject to Todd. Not being one to be sentimental, Todd takes it in stride.
"Well, maybe it's time you started putting more time into thinking about her instead of not thinking about her." Todd suggests reasonably, clapping Dawson on the back, surprising them both that he has managed to offer mature sound advice. Dawson kind of looks at Todd with a surprised and amused expression, but he is appreciative, too. Todd just smiles back and looks pleased with himself.
Then Dawson looks away, troubled and pensive. "I know and trust my feelings for her. I just don’t trust her feelings for me in a romantic sense," he admits quietly.
"Listen...life is short, Leery," Todd reasons practically. "You can’t spend it sitting on the bloomin’ fence. Sometimes you just have to go for it…..otherwise you could be left with just a whole big smelly pile of sh….. ‘what if's', " Todd corrects himself hastily, seeing Dawson’s pained expression.
"That’s a nice image," Dawson comments, amused.
"Well, that’s what I’ve got writers for. I’m a director, not a writer," Todd says, heartily and amused, too.
The two friends just sit in comfortable silence reflecting on their conversation and the state of their lives.
"It just seems to me.." Todd starts talking again, without preamble and out of the blue, "that if you didn’t still want this bird, deep down inside, that you wouldn’t still be sitting here agonizing or brooding, or whatever the hell it is you’re doing, over it." He pauses. "Even if Sammy and Colby don’t end up together on this show of yours, you can’t tell me it doesn’t give you a little thrill knowing that they can. It doesn’t take a friggin’ Ph.D to figure this out, Dawson Leery. For supposedly being the insightful one…," Todd trails off, leaving his sentence unfinished. Todd looks around the set. "I know this show is your big break, but sometimes I don’t wonder if it isn’t just some secret catharsis for you…being as you are the emotional, sentimental type…as much as you may try to hide it," Todd looks at Dawson to see how he will react.
Dawson sighs. "I don’t see myself that way. Not anymore," he says, a little sadly.
Todd acts shocked. "Oh no, say it isn’t so. Not Dawson Leary, just another cynical direct or beaten down by life and robbed of his innocence by Hollywood!"
Dawson smiles slightly at this obviously inaccurate description of himself.
Todd casts him a glance out of the corner of his eye. "Maybe you should, mate. The world could always use the sensitive types. There are more than enough cynics to go around," he says almost softly, and Dawson is surprised again by this unexpected show of sensitivity in his normally bombastic mentor.
Dawson gives Todd a broad smile. "So when did you start getting so touchy-feely? The next thing you know, we’ll be hugging in some male bonding," he teases.
Todd looks slightly offended.
"Look, mate, it’s the girl I’m thinking about here, not you. I’m just looking out for her. The way I see it, she was the one so happy with your company six years ago. Well, you were happy, too. But let’s face it, you just got laid by the girl of your dreams, so that doesn’t really count. Any bloke would be walking around with a huge dopey grin on his face. But the girl… that’s a different matter altogether."
"I did not walk around with a dopey grin on my face. My grins are never dopey," Dawson retorts partly indignant and partly amused.
"You did and it was, Leery. I may just be a horny old bastard, but even I know when two people are in love. And you two, my friend, were definitely in love." He pauses. "Even if it was just for one day, Leery. But you had it. Even if it was just for that day."
Dawson glances at Todd again and Todd catches the glance, realizing he is once again nearing the edge of ‘touchy-feely’. Todd clears his voice and sits up straighter in his chair and reverts back to his usual outspoken and occasionally crude ways. His voice lowers manfully.
"So tell me about how this seemingly innocent friendship managed to make its way to an encounter full of steamy sex. And please tell me it was steamy and sexy, Leery. Hate to think all this agony was over a ‘quickie’," he says, making air quotations. "So tell me. And don’t spare the lurid details. I can ‘andle it," Todd says, assuming a look of innocent curiosity.
Dawson just smiles. "Not a chance, Carr."
"You say that a lot," Todd frowns. Then he perks up, ever enthusiastic and persistent. "Spill it! I need details, Leery, if I’m to help you. So what’d she do? Just pop into bed with you and cheek your monkey? Or was this after some prolonged courtship that you just conveniently failed to tell me about?" Todd presses for more information but he sees no more is forthcoming. Dawson ignores Todd’s last questions, but calmly begins to answer the earlier question.
"We’ve been spending a lot of time together since I moved to New York, like I told you, and it’s been…good." He pauses, reflective. "Too good, perhaps. Next thing you know, we’re back to where we started from." Dawson carefully explains, not delving into any of the "lurid" details.
"Correct me if I’m wrong, Leery, but isn’t that a good thing?" asks Todd, openly.
Dawson looks a little surprised or startled by the question. He doesn’t say anything, but clearly he is considering the question seriously, as if he had not considered the question before. He looks over at Todd, but doesn’t answer him.
Potter’s kitchen, Capeside
The scene opens with Pacey and Mike sitting at the kitchen table at the Potter B&B. They have just come back from the Ice House, where Mike has been given the last instructions. Bessie is also there, putting groceries away and tidying up. Pacey and Mike are going over the delivery schedules for the Ice House and the order forms that Pacey uses. We then hear the front door slam shut.
"I’m home," Joey calls out in a singsong voice. "Anyone here?"
"We’re in the kitchen," Bessie calls out as Joey takes her coat off and hangs it up. Then she walks into the kitchen, curious, and sees her father and Pacey. She looks surprised to see Pacey there.
"Hey," she says to Pacey, her face a little uncertain.
"Hey," he answers back, smiling at her cautiously when he realizes the furrow in her face. Typical upset Joey. Oh yes, he knows that expression too well.
Joey’s face then takes on a purposeful look and she looks over at Bessie.
"Can I help?" she brightly asks her sister.
"Sure."
Joey moves to the counter, turns her back and starts putting away the bread and cookies. She glances over her shoulder at Pacey one or twice and Bessie notices.
"Uh, why don’t you men take a break?" she suggests to Mike and Pacey, glancing at Joey while she says this. "Dad, why don’t I show you the …thing…I wanted to show you?" she says, trying to signal Mike to leave the room with her. Mike looks puzzled.
"What thing?" he asks, confused.
"The thing. You know, the thing I wanted to show you," Bessie says emphatically, jerking her head toward the door in small jerks, giving her Dad the big-eyed "come now you idiot" look. Mike catches on.
"Oh, right...the thing," he says with exaggeration.
He gets up and Bessie and Mike leave the kitchen, leaving Pacey and Joey alone.
Pacey looks up, seeing Bessie and Mike gone, and Joey at the counter, her back turned to him as she finishes placing some of the groceries on the shelves.
"I’m going back to New Orleans tonight," he tells her, trying to start some conversation.
"That’s good," she says, distracted.
"Yeah, I kinda miss the place. It’s a nice restaurant."
"I bet it is," Joey replies, still immersed in her own things. Pacey sighs.
"Well, I guess you’re just not in the mood for some nice conversation, so I better leave," he says, starting to stand up from the table. Joey turns around quickly.
"Sorry, Pace….I guess my mind is on other things," she apologizes nicely.
"Other things…or other…people?" Pacey starts to probe.
Joey sighs. This is exactly the kind of conversation she didn’t want to have with him. Not just yet, at least.
"What’s going on, Jo?" he inquires, sitting down again.
"Nothing, Pacey…I just have some things on my mind, that’s all. A new work assignment, getting back to New York in the snow…you know…just stuff."
Pacey looks a little exasperated with her reply.
"Come on, Joey. We’re friends, aren’t we? Even after everything, you gotta say we’re still friends. Maybe friends who know each other a little better than most friends do, but still friends." He encourages her patiently and with good humor.
He pauses, waiting for a reply. He gets none. Instead, Joey just sits at the table and look down at her hands, her face serious.
Pacey looks straight to her, though, when he speaks.
"It doesn’t matter anyway, Joey. I know what this is about."
Joey raises her head and her eyes are wide with surprise and consternation.
Pacey gives a short burst of a dry laugh. "Don’t look at me that way. Come on. What it always is about…one way or another. What it always comes back to being about."
"Dawson," she says, so softly that Pacey can’t almost hear her.
"Dawson, of course. You. You and Dawson. Together. Or not together. Whichever…it doesn’t seem to make a lot of difference." There’s a pause where Pacey waits patiently for Joey to say something but she doesn’t, so he takes the first step. "I saw you at the dinner, Jo." he says softly. "I saw the way you looked at him during the entire dinner, the way he looked at you. Oh, you tried to hide it, but I saw it. Something is definitely going on between you two, and I think you should tell me. I am the one who cares about the two of you, and knows this whole situation more than anyone else I can think of right now." He pauses. "And I am, no matter what, your friend," he finishes up with a small smile.
Joey just looks at him. Her face shows doubt, confusion, and other emotions.
"Are you sure you wanna hear this?" Joey asks, unsure.
"Give me the opportunity to prove to you that I want us to be friends, okay? Wasn’t that all you ever wanted for us after our break ups?"
Joey bites her upper lip and nods her head.
"Okay. So… me and Dawson… we… we had sex on Christmas." She looks at Pacey but he just remains silent. If the piece of news hurts him or not, he is not showing it.
"And… and after that, I know more than ever I want to be with Dawson, but I am afraid that he doesn’t want to be with me," Joey confesses to Pacey. "And I can’t blame him, can I?" her voice trails off. Then she resumes talking with more confidence. "I mean, when I look at it from his perspective, I understand. Because I don’t seem to have any problem telling the men in my life that I want to be with them. At least not recently. But the follow-up seems to be my downfall," she pauses, contemplative. "My track record for staying committed with a man truly leaves something to be desired," she comments wryly with her crooked smile, her face scrunched doubtfully.
"But if you are sure you want to be with Dawson, really sure, you shouldn’t let your doubts and fears, or his for that matter, hold you back. I don’t think he doubts his feelings for you… I think he just doubts acting on them."
"And with good reason!" Joey retorts. "Just look at us…look at me with us. Five months ago, I was declaring with perfect assurance that you were the love of my life, the only guy for me, and that the past 25 years of my life had led up to being with you. If I couldn’t be sure back then where my life was leading, how can I be now? How can I just start over like I never said those things?"
"You can and you will. Look, Joey, you may have told me that everything in your life had led you to that moment, but you know what?" Pacey stares at her "Everything in your life has led you to this moment, too. And it will lead you to wherever you are in five months or ten years…or tomorrow. Life keeps going on, Joey. Don’t let things you said to me five months ago stop you from moving forward with your life," he urges her.
"Okay, who are you and what have you done to Pacey Witter?" Joey asks with a smirk on her face, crossing her arms over her chest. He laughs.
"I’m serious. Look at me." He comments, opening his arms with his palms turned up. "Here I am starting all over again, and who knows how many more times I will have to do it to get it right. Just two months ago, I was losing the restaurant, I had no girlfriend, and my prospects were looking bleaker by the minute…but look what happened? I got a new opportunity. Now I get some help with the Ice House, and I’m sitting in this kitchen, having a civilized talk with my ex-girlfriend," he says cheerfully, reaching over to give her hand a friendly pat. Then his face grows serious. "Losing you, breaking up with you, it was awful and painful…..but that’s fine, because that’s part of life. It wasn’t the end of the world. It never is."
Joey nods her head. She has learned that lesson too well in the last few years, too. Breaking up is hard to do, but it's never the end of the world.
"So you’re not mad at me?" she asks him with pleading eyes. She so wishes he's not.
"For going back to Dawson?" Pacey asks, a little surprised. "That’s why you were hesitant to talk to me before?"
Joey nods her head. "I’m feeling kinda… guilty, you know? Because Jack was right, it seems as if I trade boyfriends just like kids trade cards. Somehow it seems as if all my past relationships always end up being nothing and I don’t want you to think that you meant, or that you mean, nothing to me. I don’t need to disregard my pasts relationships anymore to make my present one look good. So I just wanted you to know."
Pacey looks at her intensely.
"What do you think happened with us, Jo? When I dipped you on that dance floor and kissed you, even if it was meant as a joke at first, I really felt something. I felt it bad. I really felt what we had…what we used to have." Pacey pauses, then says deliberately. "I felt it so much….I couldn’t wait to come tell you how much I missed you and wanted you in my life."
Joey bites her lip thoughtfully.
"I know Pacey, I felt it too, that’s what I am trying to say," she says sincerely. "There definitely was a spark between us. But I think… I think it was just an echo from our past. Reminding us of what we used to have when our lives were simpler and we were happy just sitting around eating cocoa-puffs on Saturday morning, or sailing around in your boat, or spending the night at a K-Mart." They laugh at the memory and then Joey pauses, thinking. "Things have changed since then…for both of us. And as much as we might want to go back to that time… we can’t. Throwing noodles at each other, although funny and lovely, is not enough anymore. And I think that is what we were trying to do. At least, what I was trying to do."
She looks away, her face becomes sad. Then she looks back at Pacey, pained.
"It was just such an emotional time…such a sad time, later, with Jen getting sick and all. It reminded me of my mother’s death, and how impermanent life can be, and suddenly I felt…alone…in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. And Jen made it her dying wish that I….that I .." Joey’s eyes fill with tears and it becomes hard for her to speak. It takes her a moment before she can speak again. "She said that she wanted me to choose, choose what made me happy, choose between you and Dawson if that was what was holding me back from being truly happy. It was one of her dying wishes for me to be…happy" Joey wipes her eyes and gives a watery smile, a little embarrassed but also feeling the love in her heart for their wonderful friend no longer with them. Pacey takes her hand and squeezes it softly.
"She told me the same thing too…" Pacey says quietly " …..only for me…she told me not to look for happiness in other people, but to find it in myself."
This makes Joey give a little sob, but she dries her eyes quickly. "She was a very special person. I don’t think I ever quite realized how much," she says, smiling softly.
"There is no doubt about that. If there is God, Jen Lindley was one of His finest creations." Pacey states matter-of-factly.
The two friends smile at each other in loving remembering of that special person that was Jen.
Joey dabs her eyes a bit more, smiling, laughing a little at her own emotionalism. Soon she gives her head a little shake and smoothes the hair off her face with one hand. With a somewhat gentle but determined look, she resumes their discussion.
"So you see…I had just been…commanded…by a dying woman, no less…to go make some decisions and figure out what made me happy. I don’t even know if I knew what I was thinking back then. I just wanted to do something…do something, anything, life affirming and forward moving… and what came into my mind then…was you." She pauses. "Because you were…easy," she confesses simply. "The safe choice," she adds. "I already knew you… and us. I already knew how it was with us…and if I chose to remember only the good things between us, and how we had fun and bantered and all of that…well, I have no excuse for that except to say that it is easy to forget the problems in a relationship when you are sad and lonely and five years has passed to blur the memory of the bad things. And we were older, too…and I just saw us in this perfect relationship with only the good parts…and…and…"
"…and a dying woman had just commanded you to make a decision." Pacey interjects softly with a smile. "You don’t have to explain."
Joey smiles back.
"But I want to. I owe at least that much to you. It was crazy to think that after one dance and one kiss that we were meant to be together for life…not after five years and the problems we already had between us…problems that still existed and still do exist." A beat. "Not that I don’t love you…." Joey hastens to add with a smile "but just not like that, and not in the ‘forever’ kind of way."
"And you think you love Dawson in that way? The ‘forever’ kind of way?"
Joey looks down, smiling, embarrassed… she is just a jumble of emotions.
She looks back up and purses her lips thoughtfully, then makes a decision. "Yes, I do," she says simply, looking Pacey straight in the eyes.
"What we had, Pacey, it’s in the past… just like I felt when I was 17 when I told you that Dawson was my past and you were my future. But I was wrong then, and I was wrong five months ago. In my love life, you are my past, Pacey. A past I will always cherish. But Dawson is my past, present and future."
"I know. Past, present and future kind of noum. I know well." < a beat > "So If that's true, don’t be afraid to take risks, Jo. And don’t let Dawson be afraid. Life is scary sometimes. Love can be scary, too. You and Dawson…you have known each other your whole lives. It may seem sudden, so close to our break up, but knowing your history, our history, it isn’t at all. We had our chance. We gave it a hell of a try. A short try…but still a serious, grown-up try." He pauses, thinking about their five months together. "But I don’t think it was meant to be… at least not for a lifetime. I think we were definitely meant to be for a while, and I don’t regret it for even a second. So if any of this has to do with our break up, or with my feelings being hurt, or with you somehow choosing Dawson over me, don’t think that way. Some people are just meant to be, Jo. And if you and Dawson are meant to be, then I wouldn’t be doing anything but standing in the way of two people I love. So you don’t have to worry about me, Jo. I’m going to be fine." Pacey searches Joey’s face a moment to see how she is taking this. Joey looks uncertain, but she is listening intently to Pacey. He continues, earnest. "I’m not going to hold it against you. I’m not going to think that you never loved me, or that Dawson is the better man. I’m just going to be happy if it happens for you this time." He pauses. "I do want you to be happy, Jo," he finishes softly.
Joey looks at him, surprised and moved, and her eyes tear a little.
"Thanks, Pacey," she tells him simply, sincere and heartfelt.
He looks back at her, relieved and happy, and smiles. "See? That wasn’t so hard. Talking…sharing…getting closure. ‘Communication’… it’s a good thing," he jokes, imitating Martha Stewart.
Joey laughs. "Pacey!" then she rolls her eyes and groans at his bad imitation.
Pacey shrugs his shoulders and looks comically contrite. Joey laughs again. Pacey smiles to hear her laugh.
"So we’ll remember the good as a cherished memory, do our best to forgive -and forget- the bad, and move on with our lives, knowing that we won’t have any ‘what if’s hanging over us. Deal?"
"Deal," Joey heartily agrees with a big smile.
"And we won’t ever talk about this again because it's getting kind of old. Deal?"
"Deal," Joey agrees, laughing.
"Friends?" Pacey asks, stretching his hand out for her to shake it.
"Friends," Joey concurs, shaking hands with him.
Suddenly, Pacey glances, startled, at his watch. "Oh, man! I have to get back to the Ice House. I still have a ton of last minute things to go over before I leave."
"When did you say you are leaving for New Orleans?"
"Tonight. Well, the plane is all set for tonight, and I hope to be on it." He is already up and walking to the door. "I hate to rush off…"
"Go, go," Joey laughs, shooing him out with a wave of her hands. "Go be Pacey Witter, restaurant owner, serious…mature …boring…responsible …stand-up citizen"
"Bite me, Potter."
Joey smiles at his affectionate jibe.
Just as he is about to leave, he turns and looks at her for a long moment, knowing that they are truly and forever over and that Joey’s path now leads in another direction. His, too. She looks back at him, knowing that a new chapter seems to be starting in each of their lives. A new road to follow.
"Good luck, Potter," he says softly.
"Good luck, Pacey," Joey echoes him. "And Pacey?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For understanding."
"Don’t mention it."
They share a smile. Then Pacey leaves and the door closes behind him. A smile lingers on Joey’s face for a few moments. Then her expression slowly becomes more serious. She turns her head away and stares pensively and blankly, into the room… thinking, her face almost expressionless, deep in thought.
The Creek" set, Los Angeles
Dawson and Todd are still on the set, sitting in chairs, talking. This scene picks up somewhere in the midst of their conversation.
Dawson, looking relaxed, slumps down into his chair to get a bit more comfortable and sticks his legs out a little. He cradles his steaming cup of coffee in his hands, down by his lap, not drinking from it yet. He is looking out at the set, or perhaps out into nowhere. His lips quirk into a small smile and he looks both happy and serious at the same time, as he is obviously thinking about something. Noticing the quiet that has descended on the room, Todd, who has been munching on some cheese and crackers, leans forward in his chair to get a look at Dawson’s face.
"What’s up?" Todd asks abruptly.
Dawson turns his head in Todd’s direction. Dawson has a kind of bemused or puzzled look on his face, with an undertone of seriousness.
"I was just thinking," Dawson replies.
"Well, that’s obvious. I didn’t need you to point that one out to me."
Dawson just smiles tolerantly. He doesn’t take Todd’s lack of class seriously.
"I was thinking about the scene here today," Dawson continues amiably.
"How so?"
Dawson sits up straighter in his chair, leaning forward as if to get closer to the set, intently. "Well, as is probably no surprise to you…it's roughly based on an actual event that took place between me and Joey."
Todd feigns shock and surprise. "No! You don’t say!"
Dawson just smiles a bit wider for a brief moment. He considers a moment before speaking again…not sure what it is he wants to say. Eventually he begins to talk easily, explaining. "As you saw in this scene, Sammy…that’d be Joey…tells Colby…that’d be me….that she needs time away from him…me…whoever, and Colby doesn’t take it very well. Angst and misery follow, mostly on Colby’s part. The next scene if I keep it true to real life, should have Sammy going off to quote 'find herself'away from Colby for awhile."
"But there was something else that happened, something I didn’t really remember until just now. I mean…I didn’t forget it…but I just didn’t remember it, either. I think I….I think back then- God, I was so young- I think back at 15….16…I pleaded with her to stay with me and we had…we had…said for the first time that we loved each other.. And somewhere in this epic wonderful, tragic, awful week of my life…she said….." Dawson turns and looks Todd in the eye, "…she said that I was the one she was going to want." Dawson turns his head to stare unseeing at the set again. "I didn’t remember that…probably because, I mean, what does that mean to a 16 year old who has just been told by the girl he loves that she's leaving him? It’s almost excess verbiage…irrelevant." Dawson pauses, thinking. "But almost ten years later…somehow…..it just doesn’t seem quite like 'excess verbiage', you know?" Dawson looks at Todd with a bit of a question on his face.
"Maybe she’s right, mate. Maybe that’s what this is all about." Todd offers by way of comment.
"What?"
"Well, Leery, I don’t know why I have to be the one to spell all this stuff out to you. I’m just a randy unsentimental bloke without much of a clue as to how women work…but maybe your bird is just doing what she said, or realizing it now or whatever…God, Leery, I can’t believe you are torturing me with this….okay, I’ll just go ahead and say it…maybe she’s ready to turn 'going to want you' into 'want you'…current, present tense…end of story." Todd finishes with a flourish and then a look of distaste crosses his face. "Blast it, Dawson…you really know how to torture a guy…dragging me into all this sentimental touchy-feely stuff." Todd is grimacing a bit, but it is clear that he doesn’t really mean it…at least not completely.
"That thought had occurred to me…somewhere amidst my mangled ramblings. I must admit, that thought did occur to me." Dawson admits, slightly bemused.
"Well, if I were you," Todd offers " I’d take this bird up on her offer, and just grab her by the tail feathers and…"
Dawson raises his hand up, palms out to stop Todd from continuing.
"Whoa, I get the idea."
"Well, good," Todd declares emphatically. "Just make sure you do, mate…otherwise my time here is wasted. And believe me, my time is valuable. I don’t have all day to sit around here and contemplate my navel with you, Leery. Chop chop, things need to get done! I’ve got a meeting full of stuffed shirts to go to in about five minutes. I only have so much time to spare on your never-ending personal dramas, mate!"
"I know…it never seems to be… resolved …between us." Dawson pauses and then suddenly he throws his head back with the palms of his hands over his eyes. "Aaarrggh!" he groans in frustration. "God, I just want to be with her right now. Right this second," He takes his hands off his eyes. "Man, I don't want to be here right now, rehearsing a painful moment in our lives. I want to be with Joey, for real, and talk this out with her." He pauses, looking like he could just get up and go that second. "She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. Did I tell you that? And I didn’t know what to say. What I should say. Is it real? Is it not? I told her I’d think about it, come here to LA and think about it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. But now, it just seems…stupid. Now that I am here….I just want to be there…with her," he says, emotionally.
"Well, Mr. Hyde, I am not surprised to hear that, for one, mate," Todd says, looking… well, unsurprised. "In all seriousness, you were happy six years ago. Really happy, Dawson. In a way I’ve never seen you before…or since. That kind of happiness is worth risking your cajones for, isn’t it?"
"Well, maybe not literally, but metaphorically speaking…"
Then Todd stands up and points a finger at Dawson dramatically.
"You, my conflicted and confused friend, have got this bird under your skin…you have for a long time…and sitting here pretending you can just go on with your life the same without her is just a….a….bloomin’… Dawsonian fantasy!. Don’t kid yourself, mate. This itch is never going to go away. It is time for you to face up to it. It is time, now, my man, to fish or cut bait…pee or get off the pot…choose, man. Dammit, choose!"
Dawson is surprised by Todd’s spirited assault in him, but instead of getting defensive, he finds himself actually thinking about this question, caught up in the moment…realizing that Todd is right.
Todd stops his mini-rant and sits back down calmly as if it never happened. He begins to speak in a philosophical and rational tone of voice.
"If you are waiting for some wet-dream of a 50’s fantasy-come-to-life, my friend, I think you will be sadly disappointed. The day of the accommodating servile female is over…thank God. Women are trouble, no doubt about it. It’s just a matter of what package of trouble is your package of trouble, mate. And I think your package of trouble has a label on it…and you know what that label says. It says Joey Potter," Todd says while panning his open hand across the air "…with a white picket fence and little bits o’ baby spit-up on your shirt, if that’s your idea of bliss."
Dawson smiles, amused. "You sound like Pacey."
"Smart boy, that Pacey. I’m getting to like him more and more by the sound of him. Sounds like a good sort of fellow…with a ‘pair’ on him…if you know what I mean." Todd cups his hand palm up with a quick down and up motion added for masculine effect.
Dawson smiles, amused. Todd’s assessment of Pacey is surprisingly accurate.
"You’re right, he is. And he has been known to take a risk once or twice in his life."
"Well, then, you could learn a lesson from him, mate. ‘All good things come to those who wait’….NOT! Carpe diem, Dawson. Seize the day. Sweep her off her feet. No regrets, I say."
They both mull this over in silence for a moment. Then Todd continues in an almost conversational tone of voice, as if they are just having a calm chat.
"So, what’s it going to be, mate? The way I see it, the only question you need to ask yourself is, if she’s worth putting the ol’ Leery cajones on the line or not? Putting your blood, sweat and tears into it, if that is what it takes. Or not."
Todd looks over at Dawson inquiringly. Todd smiles.
"You can take your time on that one, mate…I know it’s a biggie…but I think one way or another, you’ve been thinking about that question for ten years. I think you already know the answer. You just don’t want to say it….and I don’t blame you. This bird sounds like a handful and a half…a real pain in the… well… you know what…but isn’t that the way it is sometimes?"
The two men sit quietly, relaxed, just two men, friends, hanging out thinking about women. After a few seconds, the two men grin wide at each other and share of look of manly understanding.
Then Todd sighs. "Well, there is only so much I can do to help you on this tortured and twisted path of unrequited love. As much a hard time I give you…I know it’s your life and your decision. Only you know if she’s worth it or not…taking a chance…putting your heart on the line again…maybe to get cast out into the cold again. I don’t envy you, mate. But after ten…fifteen years ….you’d know by now….I think…..is she worth another go-round?…is she worth another shot at the proverbial blue bird of happiness?"
Memories, thoughts and feelings, both good and bad, cross Dawson’s face. Then his face clears, and softens and he looks at the space in front of him but he doesn´t give Todd an asnwer.
The Potter’s kitchen, Capeside.
Mike enters the kitchen with a new bounce in his step, but stops in his tracks as he sees Joey sitting at a table, deep in thought.
"Joey?"
She looks up, shaken from her reverie. "Hey, Dad. I never heard you come in."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Well, kind of. Just thinking over some things." He knows that look in her eyes, but before he can question her she asks, "What did Pacey want to talk to you about?"
Mike smiles. "He asked me to take over the reigns here as manager." He sits down as he finishes.
"Really?" Joey asks, suddenly coming to life. "Pacey never said anything before he left. That’s great, Dad." She leans forward and hugs him, truly happy for him. She also makes a mental note to thank Pacey for giving her dad a reason to stick around.
"And don’t I know it! Running this place was one of the things I was actually good at, well before…" He trails off; there is absolutely no need to revisit that right now.
Joey nods her head and takes a deep breath. "By the way, remember how you said that if ever I needed to talk, you would be here for me and you’d listen?"
"Yeah."
"I really need for you to do that for me right now."
He moves one of his hands across the table and places it over hers. "Is everything alright? Wait, that’s a stupid question, of course it isn’t. Sure I can listen."
"I never quite got around to telling you the whole story about Dawson and me. Sure you have managed to fill in some of the blanks, but it’s complicated and a lot of this I just need to say out loud to someone." She looks at him hopeful that he may be able to help her.
"I don’t know what to say, I feel honored that you feel I can help you with this."
("Just because" by Mary Chapin Carpenter starts playing in the background)
"I guess you know how everything started with Dawson and me, and you know how we got back together..."
Have you ever loved someone you knew nothing of
Except you'd seen the light inside their eyes
Have you ever loved someone just because
Nothing felt so easy or so right
She begins and as she starts to give her father a quick rundown on everything that has ever transpired between herself and Dawson and all the little things in between, her words aren’t heard. Instead the voices fade into the background the camera starts to pan around the table that Joey and Mike are sitting at and we see that Joey is talking animatedly and Mike listens, squeezing her hand on occasion.
"But you know, despite everything, he still has this ability to awaken something inside of me. He just makes me feel so alive and it’s only recently that I have actually really become aware of the fact that that doesn’t change."
"I understand exactly what you mean, Joey. I know you may not believe this, but your mom made me feel like that. I guess that in the end, the reason I did what I did was because I was scared of loosing her. Scared that I would never feel with anyone the way she made me feel." A beat. "Not a day goes by that I don’t regret how I treated your mother. In the end, it was because I didn’t want to acknowledge that she’d be leaving me. I promised until death do us part, and in my eyes, Lily wasn’t living up to her end of the bargain. We were supposed to grow old together."
And I think of you like the others do
Wondering if you think of me
And if you do, if you really do
Who is it that you see
"But…," Joey begins to interrupt.
"But I knew it wasn’t intentional." He continues. "I was just scared. The person that I loved more than life was dying and leaving. And I know I had no right to feel it, but I felt that she was abandoning me."
"Dad, why didn’t you ever say anything?"
"To who?" He shakes his head. "It’s not the done thing. It never was in my family. I just loved your mother so much and maybe that’s how I ended up hurting her so much." They’re both silent for a moment.
"We have a greater ability to hurt the ones we hold dear, the ones we truly love the most."
"Yeah." He agrees. "I wish I somehow had the chance to tell her, make it up to her."
"Maybe you can still tell her." He looks at her with an inquisitive expression on his face. "I know it won’t be the same, but you could always go visit her grave. Tell her. That way, you may be able to feel better about everything."
Have you ever loved
Whether right or wrong
Have you ever loved someone
Just because
"Maybe you should listen to your own advice." He tells her. "I once told you before, don’t keep what someone wants to hear more than anything locked inside. You never know when it’s too late. Don’t make my mistake."
"Thanks for listening, Dad. I’ll think about what you said."
"Not a problem, Jo. I’m just glad I may have been able to help." He smiles weakly. "Kind of helps make up for things a bit, maybe."
Have you ever tried to speak the truth instead of lie
When it seemed you had everything to lose
Have you ever tried to stand your ground instead of hide
When staying only made you look a fool
Joey doesn’t say anything but realizes this is the first time he’s ever really admitted doing anything wrong.
"I know I’ve never ever really said much. Let’s face it, we haven’t really seen each other as much over these past 10 years as a father should be seeing his daughter. But listening to you just now, I can’t help but wonder how differently things would have been for you and Bessie if I hadn’t…," he trails off and looks down at his hands for a moment before continuing. "Would you have been any different at all? I’m sure you would. And after everything you have just told me, I can’t help but think you and Dawson would be in a better position with your relationship right now."
"We can never know that, Dad. It’s impossible to tell. We may have been fine if you hadn’t been…" she seems pained to say it. "But we may have crashed and burned not long down the line, with the damage being irreparable. We can never tell with this."
A brief silence follows before Joey speaks again.
"Since we are here… can I tell you something?. It’s something my therapist told me a few weeks ago and it has been going round and round in my head. It’s about you… and the way you have affected my life," she says, looking at him kinda unsure.
"Sure, honey. Just tell me whatever you need to tell," her father says, comprehensively.
Joey nods her head and bites her upper lip before speaking.
And I stayed by you though I think I knew
It wouldn't change a thing
Changes come to hearts with ease
But they come so hard to me
Have you ever tried to make it last, not knowing why
Except you had to try
Just because
"I was talking to my therapist about my past relationships, you know? And I found a pattern in all of them. They all needed me to save them, to rescue them, to help them become something more or something better. Something I couldn’t do for you." She pauses for a moment. "I mean, you were screwed up and I always thought that maybe if you could have been fixed, you know? And somehow, that was what I was looking for...someone to fix, so I could succeed where I had failed before."
Mike looks at her with a pained expression.
"Joey, it was never your fault, Anything that happened was ever your fault."
"Oh, I know. I know that now. I wasn’t even aware of my feelings about it until a few weeks ago in therapy. Apparently, it's a very common feeling for kids whose parents are not together for one reason or another. Mostly for kids whose parents are divorced, but anyway. Separation, cheating… there is always good to look for someone to blame, and I put it on me and somehow I projected that into my love life. So the kind of relationships I always looked for were for the charming, loser guys that I could rescue. Eddie, Charlie, Chris, even Pacey. They all needed me so badly. And I took comfort and safety in that. Because I was the one in charge of the relationship, and as long as they needed me, they would never leave me. And if they ever did, they would eventually come back to me. See? It was easy. With them, it was easy."
"But not with Dawson."
"No. But not with him. He always had his life planned. He always knew what he wanted and who he was and that always scared me. Because it seemed as if I was just a reflection of him, you know? That if I stayed by his side, I would be annulled as a person because I still didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. That’s why I left him in the first place. And once I took that step and I fell into another relationships that made me feel safe, it was so hard to go back to him. Because while with the rest of my boyfriends I could pretend, I could keep a part of me from them...I couldn’t do that with Dawson. He always knew me too well."
"And you think that now you’re ready to take that step?"
Have you ever loved
Whether right or wrong
Joey smiles. "As a good friend of mine said, I can’t be afraid, and I won´t let him be afraid either. Not anymore." A beat. "I love him," she states simply and Mike smiles at her, covering her hand with his.
Have you ever loved someone
Just because