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Reaching Out: A Christmas Story by Sam Cdn

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Ryan stared at Tobey. "I can't believe you never told me your parents did that on Christmas Eve."

Tobey shrugged. "It's kind of trivial compared to the fact that they did it at all."

Ryan nodded.

"That's really awful, Tobey," Doug said.

"Yeah," Tobey shrugged. "But I guess that's life."

Everyone nodded but a heavy silence reigned before the story started up again.

"So," Tobey finally said, "I believe that we were just getting to the good stuff …"

Three movies, two boxes of gingerbread men, and a bottle of apple cider later, Jack and Tobey decided to call it a night.

"You can take Jen's room, if that's alright," Jack told Tobey.

Tobey nodded and pulled himself up from the couch. Jack watched as his friend straightened his clothes and helped clean up their glasses and cookie wrappers. He watched the solemn expression on Tobey's face, the lost look in his eyes, and knew that his friend needed him more than he ever had before.

"Tobey …" he said.

Tobey looked at him.

"Look, don't think that I have ulterior motives or anything but if you want, you can sleep with me- I mean, in my bed- tonight. I think we could both use the company."

Tobey smiled a bit and nodded his acceptance.

Ten minutes later, they were settled under the covers of Jack's bed. Both lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

"Tobey?"

"Hm?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"What?"

"Last year, when we were going out … I really didn't mean for it to end the way that it did. I didn't mean to hurt you," Jack repeated.

"I know."

"But I did, didn't I?"

Tobey was quiet for a moment before saying, "Yeah, but that's what happens, right? Relationships end and someone always gets hurt."

Jack turned on his side and looked down into Tobey's face. "So whatever happened with Brian?"

"Who?"

"The- the guy you went out with after me. You told me about him over the phone …"

"Oh!" To Jack's surprise, Tobey started to laugh.

"What?"

Tobey snorted. "I made that guy I up."

Jack raised an eyebrow, smiling a bit.

"Oh come on, give me a break! You dumped me royally­– I had to prove that I was doing better than you. I wanted you to know just how over you I was."

"Were you?"

"Over you? Not really."

Jack smiled. "I wasn't over you either. But you succeeded in convincing me that you were doing well … I had an awful night after that phone call."

"What happened?"

Jack lay down on his back again. "I got drunk and jumped off the roof of a beach house into a pool."

"Shit! Are you joking?"

"No … but don't give yourself too much credit. I was pretty much having an all-around shitty year."

"Hm. I can relate."

Jack turned his head to the side so that he and Tobey were face to face, looking at each other in the moonlit room. Jack reached down and squeezed Tobey's hand. "You'll get through this."

Tobey nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Jack gave Tobey's hand another squeeze. "I'm here for you."

Tobey smiled back at him.

Jack glanced at the clock on the night table over Tobey's shoulder. "Oh my God, it's 1:30! It's been Christmas for an hour and a half!"

Tobey giggled. "Merry Christmas, Jack."

Jack smiled. "Merry Christmas, Tobey." He leaned in brushed his lips across Tobey's cheek. Tobey tilted his head and their lips met lightly and briefly.

As both men pulled back, their eyes met and they both smiled, remembering the connection they used to have. They thought of the events of the preceding year and both were struck with the realization that after it all, here they were, together again. Tobey thought of how generous Jack had been with him tonight and Jack thought of the injustice of what Tobey had been through tonight and in the past year. And here they were. Their eyes met again and they were aware of the electricity that pulsed between them. As they moved toward each other again, they both whispered each other's names.

Tobey smiled. "And the rest is history."

"So …" Ryan said, "that's it? That's what really happened?"

Tobey rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. "No. Jack and I actually had sex last night. Sorry, guys."

The first comfortable laughter since the beginning of the story filled the room.

"We should have known," Doug said. "I think Ryan and I trust you two alone way too much."

"Uh oh," Jack said, "here we go again."

Doug chuckled. "Kidding."

Jack smiled. "I know."

"So what happens the morning after?" Ryan asked. "Painful awkwardness? Or did you relive the passion one more time?"

Tobey snorted. "What's this? First you were all angry and jealous and now you want all the nitty-gritty details?"

Ryan grinned. "What can I say? I'm a gossip queen."

"I think we can permit that, can't we, Jack?"

"Sure," Jack said, "but you guys should be forewarned- it's not all that exciting."

"What? No love-filled revelations? No aggressive refusals to acknowledge the obvious love between the two of you?"

Tobey rolled his eyes. "You seem a little too eager for Jack and I to get together, Ryan."

"Of course not, dear."

"Oh no," Doug grinned, "we know we're in trouble when Ryan is calling Tobey 'dear.'"

"It's all in the loving Christmas spirit," Ryan explained.

Jack looked at Tobey. "I gotta admit, that was probably one of my favorite Christmases."

Tobey smiled. "Me too, believe it or not."

"Oh for Christ's sake, just tell us what happened!"

"Ok, Ryan," Jack laughed, "I think we can do that for you guys …"

Tobey awoke to the sensation of a warm skin against his cheek and the steady rise and fall of the chest he rested on. He lifted his head slowly and looked up at the peaceful face of a sleeping Jack. He smiled gently as he examined the burst of dark hair topping the smooth face and the fluttering eyelashes.

Tobey sat up completely and glanced out Jack's bedroom window at the gently falling snow. How picture perfect- snow on Christmas day. His mind drifted back to the white Christmases of the past … just like the ones we used to know … Tobey shook his head; he had to stop thinking in lyric. Christmas morning used to begin with him and his sister racing down the stairs to find their stocking stuffed to capacity and the Christmas tree surrounded by brightly coloured packages. Mom and Dad would sit by, smiling, as he and his sister ripped their gifts open, squealing and laughing with delight. The day would be spent playing with their new toys, visiting their grandparents, and finally settling down to sleep at a time way past their usual bedtime … Tobey realized with a shock that he would never receive a Christmas present from his parents again. His parents had nothing to give to him anymore … really nothing. Not a five minute phone conversation, not their love.

Tobey shook his head, not ready to face the reality of his life yet. His eyes drifted back to the sleeping figure beside him as he recalled the events of the night before. He remembered every kiss, every touch, every caress. He knew suddenly that he loved Jack. That he would always love Jack. The only question was, what kind of love was this?

He was unable to ponder this further, however, because Jack had just stirred and awoken. He looked up at Tobey who smiled down at him. Jack smiled back.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Tobey said.

"What time is it?"

Tobey glanced at the clock beside him. "Ten-twenty."

"Hm."

Tobey laid back down, cautiously curling up beside Jack. Jack casually draped an arm over Tobey.

"So," Tobey said.

"So?"

"Are you hungry?"

Jack grinned. "Are you?"

"Starved."

"I take it you want me to feed you too."

Tobey shook his head. "Not a chance. We'll go out for breakfast … my treat."

An hour later, the two men were settled at a table in a quiet restaurant, ordering their Christmas brunch. When the waiter had taken their order and left, Jack looked earnestly at Tobey.

Tobey returned his gaze.

"So," Jack said, "last night …"

"Yeah. Last night."

"For what it's worth … it was really nice for me."

Tobey smiled. "Me too …"

"But?"

"But what?"

"I can hear a 'but' in your voice."

Tobey snorted. "I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere but my brain is too fried to figure it out now."

Jack chuckled. "Well, I'll be honest, I have a 'but' myself-"

"I've noticed."

"Ha ha. I can't get away with anything with you, can I?"

Tobey giggled. "I thought you would have figured that out by now, Jack."

Jack laughed. "I guess so. Anyways … last night was really great for me but I think … I don't really know what I think but …"

"But this couldn't work," Tobey finished.

"Exactly."

"Don't worry, I feel the same way. I mean, I love you-"

"I love you, too."

Tobey smiled. "I love you but I think what we had before didn't work out for a reason."

"Right. Because I was an asshole."

"No. No, not at all, Jack. I mean, you were-" Tobey grinned, "-but that's not why it didn't work out."

"It's just not what we have."

"Exactly."

"But we do have something, don't we, Jack? I mean, I don't want to say 'We can be friends' because it just sounds like a bad break-up reconciliation but … we definitely have a friendship."

"A strong friendship," Jack added.

"Yeah. I think we have something special, Jack."

Jack reached across the table, placing his hand over Tobey's. "We do."

The smile they shared was comfortable, genuine, and said everything both men were feeling. Their food arrived and they ate as they talked about jobs and TV shows and school. The day was spent driving around Boston, searching through the few stores that were open on Christmas day, finding silly Christmas gifts for each other. Jack ended up with a Mickey Mouse watch, a pink shirt that he would never wear, and a box of candy canes. Tobey ended up with cat Beanie Baby, a Ted Danson poster, and a snowflake Christmas tree ornament.

When Jack drove Tobey back to his apartment that evening, their cheeks were flushed with the laughter and fun of the day and both had forgotten their problems for the moment. They shared a quick kiss good-night and then went their separate ways but not for long. A new relationship had now risen from the remains of their old one, like a phoenix out of the ashes, and both men knew that it would not be long before they saw each other again.
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