* * * * *
As he watched her come through the gate, the only thing he could think was that she looked different. Mia didn't look the same as she has on Tuesday when they'd said goodbye at the airport in New York. She'd had her light brown hair trimmed slightly and only wore a light coat of make up. She was dressed in a simple black pantsuit covering her slender frame and looked sleek and sophisticated.
He felt like he was looking at a stranger. And maybe that's what she'd been all along. He kissed her cheek softly when she stood before him. "Mia, you look great."
"I wish I could say the same about you," she said, pulling away slightly. Her fingers gently grazed his swollen jaw. "What happened?"
Pacey looked down at his feet, not sure how or where to begin to explain what was going on. "I think that things are bad for us no matter how I tell this story," Pacey began. "Um, I . . . well, you see . . ."
"Is this about Joey?" Mia finally asked.
"If that's what you're thinking . . ." he began, unsure of what he should actually say. "No, Mia. Something hasn't been right between us for a while now, and I think you knew that."
"The minute I read the book," Mia said softly. "The second I realized that no one else would make you happy. The moment I understood that you knew Joey was your destiny."
He shook his head. "This isn't about Joey. I just . . . I want you to be able to go out and find a man that loves you like you deserve to be loved."
"Fuck you, Pacey. You don't think I saw this coming from a mile away? This has nothing to do with you wanting me to find what I deserve, it has to do with you wanting the easy way out so that you can be with Joey!"
"Mia, Joey and I aren't together, and we're not going to be. I wish it were as simple as the fact that I'm leaving you to be with Joey, but It's not. All I know is that I've seen love this weekend, and that's not what we've got."
"You let me fly all the way to Chicago to break up with me, Pacey?" she said, her voice in a muffled roar. "How could you do that?"
"You were already on your way when I decided . . . and I thought that it would be better if I said this in person . . . and I'm sorry, Mia. I am," he whispered.
Mia stood quietly for a moment. "You should've just called. We could've spared each other the expense."
"I'll pay for your flight," he said.
"That's not what I mean, Pacey," she said, looking up at him with her eyes shining. She didn't want to cry. She actually wanted to smack him, but she managed to control the impulse, afraid of drawing attention to them.
He looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry, Mia. I just want you to have what you deserve."
"I guess there's no sense in arguing with you," Mia said quietly. "Are you even coming back to New York?"
"Yeah, I'll be home on Monday," he replied. "I'll see you then. We can talk more about this."
She nodded. "Okay. I guess I should find a flight home," she said, giving him a gentle kiss on his good cheek. "Have a safe trip home, okay? We can work this out, Pacey."
"Okay, okay, I can't watch anymore!" Joey said as she ran up to the couple. She'd been watching from a few feet away the whole time. Seeing Mia kiss Pacey just sent her over the edge, and she felt like she was barely herself as she ran toward them. "I'd hate to have to spoil your happy little reunion here, but he doesn't love you," she said to Mia. "Not even twelve hours ago he was going to sleep with me, and I know it must suck to find out this way, but you're not going to have him without a fight. I love him, and I'm not going to just walk away gracefully so that you can be with him when he's the only man who'll make me happy. So just get right back on that plane and go home to New York."
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Joey?" Pacey snapped, grabbing her forearm tightly.
"I'm not giving you up, Pacey," she said plainly. "So just deal with it."
"So you're Joey?" Mia said softly. "Mia Harrison," she continued, extending her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you." Mia wasn't sure where the sudden wave of calm came from. Joey wasn't what she'd expected. The way Joey looked at Pacey disturbed her slightly. It was almost as if she could see it. See whatever it was between them. She wasn't exactly sure what it was.
"You too," Joey said softly, not sure exactly what was going on. She looked at Pacey questioningly.
"Go home, Joey," he said.
"No," she replied flatly.
Mia looked at Joey and plastered on a fake smile. "Joey, could you just give Pacey and me a second?"
"Sure," Joey said, caught slightly off guard by the request. She wasn't exactly sure why she complied with the request, other than after her outburst, she wanted to give them a moment. She wandered over to a set of chairs, far enough away to give them some privacy, but close enough to be able to watch what was going on.
Mia touched his arm and smiled. He laughed softly and smiled in return with a gentle nod. They both looked back at Joey briefly. He placed his hands on her cheeks, laying a gentle kiss on her lips. She hugged him, patting his back as they stayed still. He whispered something in her ear before she pulled away. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him as she walked to the counter. He waved.
Joey couldn't help but to cringe when she turned her attention back to him and saw the look on his face. He looked unhappy to say the least. He stood beside her silently for a moment. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."
She stood, following behind him for a moment, but was close to explosion when they reached the outside of the airport. "Is that all you have to say, Pacey?"
"Yeah, Jo, that's all I've got to say," he mumbled in reply.
"Isn't that just great," she snapped, her lips turning into an awkward snarl. "I embarrassed myself for nothing."
"I don't know what possessed you to come here, really," he shrugged. "Why did you?"
"Temporary insanity, I guess," she scoffed. She childishly settled into the passenger side of Pacey's rental car.
"You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?" he asked, slumping down in his own seat.
"Well enough was telling me to go to hell last night, Pacey? Now maybe I came here on some whim inspired by a serious level of exhaustion on my part because I was trying to make sure that Andie and Dawson got married tomorrow, but the least you could do is respond to what I said back there," she finished, pointing back toward the terminal.
He looked back at her, the corner of his mouth twisting in a strange smirk. "That you just told my girlfriend I had every intention of cheating on her last night?" he snapped. "Since when are you inside my head, Joey?"
Joey shook her head. "You know exactly what would've happened last night if Dawson hadn't barged in," she replied coldly.
"I'm glad it didn't," he said. "Because we'd be right where we are now. We're never getting away from this, Jo. You and I . . . we're destined to fail."
"If this is about what I said earlier, I . . . I jumped to conclusions I probably shouldn't have, Pacey. I mean, I saw Dawson beat the hell out of you, and then I had to tell him about us. It's not like it's something either of us has ever wanted to do."
"I know it's not," Pacey shrugged, throwing the car in reverse and backing out of the parking spot. "I'm just trying to tell you that this isn't going to work. No matter what we do, it's not going to work. So we can just put that failed attempt at romance last night out of our minds, get Dawson and Andie married, and I'll go back to New York and everything will go back to normal. We'll have our daily e-mails and our weekend visits. That's how things are best for us anyway."
"That's not what's best, Pacey. How am I supposed to go on everyday pretending that's what I want? Because it's not what I want. If the scene I made back there is any indication, you should know how I feel."
"We learned all those years ago that feelings aren't enough, Jo."
"You're a quitter," Joey said decisively. "You find one little flaw and you give up."
"Lots of flaws, Jo. It's time for us both to stop pretending," he replied softly.
"Fine," she said sharply. "Just take me home."
* * * * *
"So we are sure that this wedding is going to happen?" Jen asked skeptically.
"The wedding is going to happen," Joey said with a nod. "Everything seems fine. Dawson still hates me, but he says that he'll get over it eventually."
"And Pacey?" Jen asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Ah, you'll love this story. I mean, it always makes you laugh when I make an absolute fool of myself," Joey replied.
"That very rarely happens, Joey."
"Well, last night when you told me about Pacey picking up his girlfriend from the airport, I decided I would go there to stop him. So I confront him and this woman, I tell her that I love him, that I'm going to fight for him, and that we had almost had sex."
Jen winced. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Tell me about it," Joey sighed.
"You scared him."
"Yeah," Joey nodded. "Wait . . . what?"
"You scared him," Jen repeated.
Joey shook her head. "I didn't scare him, Jen. He just . . . well, he doesn't want me. It's much simpler than you make it sound."
"You scared him."
"Will you stop it?"
"Can't you see that this boy is head over heels in love with you?" Jen asked impatiently. "Let's face facts. He didn't make up that stuff in the book. All those beautiful words were about you, Joey. He's just scared . . . of you . . . of himself. There's a difference. He wouldn't be acting this way if he didn't care . . . the fact is that he probably cares for you so deeply he doesn't know what to do about it."
"I don't see how that makes him scared," Joey replied.
"It's not exactly a very Joey-like thing to do. You know, run up and declare your love for him to his girlfriend," Jen said.
"And it's not a very Pacey-like thing to be scared and hide his feelings," Joey observed.
"See how this has affected you both."
"So what am I supposed to do? Lock him in a room and make him listen to me?" Joey said sarcastically.
"That's not a bad idea," Jen said.
"Please don't tell me you have a plan," Joey groaned.
Jen smiled. "I have a plan."
* * * * *
Jen slid into the booth and took a seat next to Pacey where he was nursing a gin and tonic. The rehearsal had been long, and Pacey had somehow become the bad guy. Jen wasn't exactly sure how, of course. She knew it was probably easier for Dawson to be angry than for him to come to terms with how he actually felt. Andie was frantic and angry, mostly at Pacey for putting her in the position of almost having to call off her wedding. And Joey . . . well, she wasn't exactly sure what the hell was wrong with Joey.
"Being anti-social tonight, Pacey?" Jen asked, playfully elbowing him in the ribs.
He shrugged. "Who exactly wants to be social with me, Jen?"
"I don't know," she smiled. "I think this crowd here is a little . . . mm, well, they're definitely not showing love like they should."
"Of course not," Pacey laughed. "Dawson hates me for sleeping with Joey. He hates Joey for sleeping with me. Andie hates me for almost breaking up her wedding. Joey hates me for not running into her open arms. At this point, I think you and Jack are the only ones talking to me."
"If it's any consolation, Henry thinks you're brave," she laughed.
"And Henry's opinion is so important to me," Pacey said dryly.
"Look, Pacey," Jen began, "why don't you go into the bathroom, splash some water on your face, and take a few minutes. I'll talk to Dawson and Andie."
"And Joey?" he asked.
"You fix things with Joey," she said.
"What do Joey and I have to fix?"
"A whole lot of potential that you're wasting right now," Jen said. With that she stood up and went to sit with Andie and Dawson at their table.
Pacey figured that maybe Jen had been right. Maybe a few seconds of quiet in the bathroom would do him some good. Maybe it would silence some of the chaos in his mind.
He jumped slightly when he looked in the mirror and saw Joey standing behind him. "You do realize this is the men's room," he said coolly.
"I wanted to talk to you in private," she replied.
He watched her in the mirror. The look on her face reminded him of the serious look that she'd had the night before. "So talk."
"I shouldn't have intruded on you and Mia this morning. I was out of line. It doesn't mean that I didn't mean what I said."
"What? That you love me? That I'm the only man who'll make you happy?" he asked skeptically as he turned to face her.
"Yes, Pacey," she whispered.
"It would never work," he replied softly. "I mean . . . I don't know what I mean, Jo. But every time we . . . it just blows up in our faces. I can't take that."
"You're not giving it a chance, Pace," she said, gently touching his good cheek. "If you would, you'd see."
"What would I see?"
"Me."
He looked at her sadly. "We would--"
"Be great together," she finished.
He shook his head, sliding from his place between Joey and the sink. "We would, Jo, but how long would it be before it became disastrous?"
The corner of her mouth twisted into a disbelieving smile. "You don't want me?"
He turned to face her. "It's not . . . no, Jo. No, my god, I'd be insane not to want you."
"Is it Mia? Because . . . well, what does she have that I don't have?"
"Nothing, Jo," he whispered. "Nothing."
"So what is it, Pacey?" she asked, already tired of this tautological conversation.
"I'm just . . . I'm not ready for this."
"Not ready," she repeated, letting the words roll around her mouth. "Just what aren't you ready for?"
"For you to love me."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
She sighed, rubbing her temple tiredly. "What the hell is wrong with you, Pacey?" she asked. She didn't yell. She only asked. It was more for her own peace of mind than a question she wanted him to answer.
"I don't know," he said again.
"Well, instead of watching the stripper at the bachelor party with an attentive eye tonight, maybe you should try to figure it out," she said. "Because after I finally catch up on all the sleep I missed last night, I'm going to painfully realize how out of character I've been acting today, and I'm not going to come to you again."
He nodded. "If that's how it has to be."
"That's not how it has to be. You could just say something, Pacey . . . say anything that will make me believe we have a chance."
"There's nothing I can say."
Joey pursed her lips. "Fine, then. I'll see you around," she mumbled, before storming out of the bathroom.
He looked at himself in the mirror. His jaw was still swollen and bruised, and he still had a cut on his chin. Most importantly, he'd probably just made the biggest mistake of his life. "Stellar work as usual, Witter," he said, staring at himself in the mirror for a few moments before he walked back into the restaurant.
* * * * *
"Pacey, why are you sitting in the corner sulking with your beer. There are strippers out there," Jack said, pointing to the center of the bar. "You used to love strippers."
"Eh, I'm just not up to it tonight," Pacey sighed, looking back down at his glass.
Jack sat down in the chair across from him. "Problems with Joey?"
"Problems in general," Pacey said. "I went to get Mia from the airport this morning, and while we were talking, Joey came up and started declaring her undying affection for me. Mia was seriously pissed off because Joey said I had been planning on sleeping with her last night."
"Did Mia go home because of what Joey said?"
Pacey shook his head. "No. I was in the process of breaking up with her when Joey burst up into our conversation. We've got some things to work out when I get back to New York, but we both know it's over."
"I don't understand why you're going back to New York," Jack said. "Did Joey agree to go with you?"
"Joey and I aren't together."
"Why the hell not?"
"Do you honestly think that Joey and I would work, Jack? Just sit down and think about it for a good three minutes, and you could come up with ten reasons why we wouldn't survive. I'm just trying to limit the emotional fallout," Pacey said as if it were completely logical and relatively simple.
"What about the reasons that it would work? The fact that you connect, that you understand each other, that you've been best friends forever. What about the fact that Joey needs you here? What about the fact that you love her?" Jack rattled off.
"Love doesn't mean shit in a relationship," Pacey said bluntly. "That theory's been proven to me in spades all the way back to Andie. And I just can't take that with Joey."
"You're scared because you know that Joey's not like the others," Jack observed.
"What?" Pacey said, caught off-guard by the statement.
"Joey is different. And that scares you."
"That's not true, Jack. I'm just trying to save us both a the pain of it all. Joey and I are both too stubborn to live together and have babies and do all those sorts of things."
"But you can see it. You can see living with her and having babies with her just as sure as Dawson can see that with Andie. If it couldn't work, you wouldn't be able to see those things."
Pacey looked at Jack with question in his eyes. "Why do you think you know so much, Jack?"
Jack shrugged. "We have known each other a long time, Pacey, and I've had the luxury of spending time with you and with Joey over the past few years. You've got something together that you don't have apart. And you may be the only one who knows how you feel, but I can tell you love her, Pacey. And if you let fear ruin this for you, you'll live the rest of your life regretting it and you'll never be happy. If it does end, then it does, but at least you won't be sitting somewhere fifty years from now wondering if Joey could've been there with you."
"It's easy to say that when you're not involved," Pacey replied.
"I am involved," Jack said. "Just give it a chance. I don't think you'll be disappointed."
"If I end up with a broken heart, I'm coming after you," Pacey said seriously.
Jack rolled his eyes. "I've got the whole New Orleans defensive line on my side."
"Well, I have a one fist fight per week limit anyway," Pacey sighed.
"Go see her, Pace."
"Okay," Pacey replied with an affirmative nod. "I will."
"And don't forget to tell her how you feel," Jack added.
"How could I forget that?"
* * * * *
She hadn't been expecting him and was caught off guard to find him standing at her door when it was near midnight. She was still in her clothes from the day, and had been paying some bills when she heard the knock. She actually spent a good three minutes trying to decide if she should let him in or not.
She rested her forehead on the cool steel of the door as she looked back at him. "Pace."
"Hey," he said softly. "Could I come in?"
She nodded, stepping back slightly. "I wasn't really expecting you," she admitted.
"I know," he began. "I just had to see you."
She motioned for him to sit on the couch as she curled up in a chair. "What's on your mind?"
"You."
Her mouth turned into a grin. "Care to be a little more specific?"
"You and me."
"What about us?"
"That we may very well belong together."
"And what made you come to this realization?" she asked.
"Lots of things," he said. "I've known it for a long time, I think. But I've been scared of what it could do to us."
"Why are you scared?" she asked.
"Because I don't want to lose you. It wasn't until today that I realized I might lose you anyway," he stated. "I don't want to be apart from you anymore, Jo. Not spiritually, not emotionally, not physically. I just want to be with you so that we can take things together."
She laughed softly. "What took you so long, Pacey?"
"So what does that mean?" he asked.
"It means yes, Pacey. I want you and me to be us. That's what I want."
He closed the distance between them, kneeling in front of her. "I know I've been an idiot today."
"You can make it up to me," she whispered. She kissed him, allowing her lips to linger on his for a moment. "Spend the night with me."
"You don't think it's too soon?" he asked softly, his fingers stroking her cheek.
"Do you think it's too soon?" she asked in return.
"No."
She smiled. "So why'd you ask?"
"I don't want to mess up."
"It's natural for us to want to be together." She gently rubbed small circles with her thumb along his cheekbone. "Because . . . Pacey, I need you to be a part of me in every way."
"You're so beautiful, Jo," he said, pulling her closer and kissing her gently. Their lips brushed together, softly at first. Their breath mingled in an invisible touching of spirit and their lips came rushing together once again, the inability to separate almost magical. He explored her mouth with a tender thoroughness, wanting to leave nothing untouched.
He stood slowly, pulling her along with him. She gasped for breath as she began to walk backward toward the bedroom. He was so different than she remembered. Maybe it was the sudden declaration of love. All she knew was that she had loved him a while, and all she would think about was him and the way that he could make her feel. She'd been willing to settle for sex, just because she didn't think love would be possible.
Lucky her, she'd somehow managed to get both.
She stopped when her calves hit the box springs of the bed. She felt like all her senses were at their peak. His skin was warm and flushed. There was a mingled smell of his normal spicy odor and the smoke from the bar. Her eyes were half-closed, but she saw him and all the tenderness that came with him. She could hear the blood rushing through her veins and her ragged breaths. And he tasted just like she remembered. There was no other way to say it; he tasted like Pacey. She was on sensory overload, and she wondered how long the euphoric feeling of being there with him would last.
And for the first time, she let herself think that it would be there forever. There was the possibility that every night could be just like this. It almost didn't seem like a reality.
He pushed her down on the bed, not feeling any resistance. He began to undo the top buttons on her blouse as his lips began to trail along her collarbone. She wrapped her long fingers around his scalp, licking her lips softly as gently moved his tongue in even strokes along her shoulder.
He poised his finger over the next button but looked back up at her. He smiled. "This is the only place I've wanted to be in the past few months. Here with you like this."
She placed her fingers under his chin and tilted his head back toward her. She kissed him hungrily and he matched her fervor. He rested a hand firmly on her hip and shifted his weight slightly. She sighed as his lips met her neck and he let out a soft growl.
He pulled away slightly, smoothing her hair on the pillow as he moved it out of her eyes. She gazed into his eyes lovingly. "It's not a dream, is it?"
"No," he whispered, kissing her softly as he twirled a strand of hair around his finger. "It's very real."
* * * * *