* * * * *
Joey surveyed the kitchen cautiously from the corner. Andie and Jen were standing at the griddle flipping pancakes as they laughed about stories from high school. Henry stood at the stove, scrambling more eggs at Jen's request. Dawson was opening a tube of biscuits and laying them out on a cookie sheet. Things were running smoothly, and Joey was highly impressed.
She really hated to see people in love. It was selfish, and she knew that. Yet she still hated to see anyone like that: It only managed to remind her of what she didn't have.
She'd kicked Pacey out of her apartment last night. The mere thought brought a frown to her face. He had managed to say the last thing she was expecting, and she wasn't sure how to deal with it. If this was a new story she'd fall into his arms, kiss him, and confess some undying love.
But this wasn't a story.
She barely snapped out of her thoughts before Dawson was standing in front of her. "Are you okay?" he asked.
She smiled. "I'm good. You look really happy, Dawson. I'm glad for you."
"So what's up with you, Jo?" he asked, furrowing his brow as he motioned for her to sit down with him at the table.
"Nothing, Dawson," she said, smiling at him. "I guess that I'm just . . . I don't know. Maybe a little stressed out?"
"Is it because of Pacey?" he questioned.
Joey frowned. Now was a fine time for Dawson to be perceptive. She shook her head. "No, Dawson. Well, yeah. He's my friend. I miss him. And I hate it that I can't just fall into that same old place I was in with him."
"I'm all up for us bugging him and getting him to move to Chicago," Dawson said with a grin.
"Dawson, don't be so pushy," Joey said, smiling softly at her friend's enthusiasm. "That's not what Pacey wants."
"I'm not pushy, Jo," Dawson said. "I'd just like to see Pacey here with us. Things feel incomplete without him. I know he's off doing his own thing in New York, but sometimes I feel forgotten."
She smiled. "Me too, Dawson."
"I know that Jen and Jack and Andie are all Pacey's friends, but we're the ones who need him here, and we have to let him know that, Jo. There have been times I've needed him in the past few weeks, and I've been reduced to a pile of mush in front of you," he said with a smile.
"It's okay, Dawson. I know that sometimes you'd prefer to have another man to talk to--and Henry doesn't exactly fit the bill--but I think I pinch-hit pretty well."
"You do, Jo," he said. "But Pacey being here would make you happy. Maybe even a romance in the future?"
Joey shook her head. "I don't think so, Dawson. He's got a girlfriend, and--"
"Mia's expendable," Dawson noted. "She has the personality of a dishrag."
"And you wouldn't be biased?"
"Maybe a little," he shrugged. "She's just . . . nice."
"Nice?"
"Terribly nice. It makes you sick really."
Joey laughed. "You've lost your mind, Dawson. I think Pacey's girlfriend being nice is a good thing."
"Well, I'm convinced he moved in with her just to smooth over some argument they were having, because not even four weeks ago he was saying that he didn't see himself being with her very much longer. She's just someone to be on his arm while he's getting the book out. You know, keep the women off his back. His agent completely plays up this stuff up to the media. They have him act a certain way to attract female readers, but keep him from being too overwhelmed by pushing his girlfriend to the forefront every once in a while."
"Let me guess," Joey said. "Andie's assessment?"
"It makes sense," he said, waving at Jack as he came in and began chatting with Henry.
"You're doing it again, Dawson."
"Doing what?"
"Writing a script. Pacey dumps his girlfriend of convenience, moves to Chicago to satiate you, and then falls in love with me, putting the perfect little cap on our group which just doesn't have room for a nice girl. I wish I lived in your world. Everything is so simple there," she said sarcastically.
"You're bitchy this morning," he observed, while not exactly passing judgment. "Did something happen?"
Joey shook her head, looking up as the other girls greeted Pacey excitedly. He looked at her briefly, and she wasn't exactly sure how she was going to get through this morning.
* * * * *
Joey looked across the table at Pacey, as he quietly ate his pancakes. The others were discussing the latest blockbuster movie, and Jen was getting a rise out of Dawson by saying how much she liked it.
"So how'd you sleep last night?" Joey asked softly.
"I didn't," Pacey replied, looking back down at his plate.
"We should talk," she said.
"Is there anything left to say?" he asked skeptically.
"I've had time to think," she replied. "I think that we need to talk."
"You said a lot last night," he said.
"Give me five minutes," she said. "Could you excuse Pacey and me?" Joey asked the group. They nodded, letting them go while not interrupting their conversation.
Pacey reluctantly followed her into Andie's living room, flopping down in a chair, as Joey sat on the arm of the couch. "So say what you want to say," he said, shrugging his shoulders, but refusing to look back at her.
"It felt like a sucker-punch, Pacey, that's all," she said, shaking her head. "I don't know if you were doing it for shock-value--"
"Shock value," he said, nodding. "You're kidding me, right? I didn't want you to read the god dammed book, Joey! You stole it."
She pushed her hair back from her face and sighed. "I know I did, Pacey. And I'm glad I did. There are just so many things going through my mind, I just want a chance to tell you about them. Fair warning, though, is that you may not like what you hear."
"You beat the hell out of me with my own book last night, Joey. Then you kicked me out of your apartment. I think I know what I need to know about how you feel. And if it offers you any solace at all, I wish I'd never written that damned book. I wish that none of it ever happened."
"So now you're intentionally trying to hurt me?" she asked, looking down at him.
"No, I want it to be over before anyone else gets hurts," he said seriously. "I don't want to cause anyone any harm."
"You're not going to show it to Dawson are you?"
He shook his head. "Although it's not as bad as sleeping with his girlfriend, I know that it would kill Dawson if he found out about us in high school."
Joey nodded. "Then I suppose I should warn you that he's planning on giving you the hard-sell on Chicago again too."
"I figured. You don't have to worry. I'm not leaving New York," he said, standing up with every intention of returning to the kitchen. Her voice stopped him.
"What if I asked you to?"
He turned and looked back at her. "I know you too well, Joey. You wouldn't."
"I would," she said simply.
"Then the answer's no," he replied, turning on his heel and returning to breakfast. He got a few questioning looks, even more when Joey returned, looking slightly startled.
Andie sensed the tension and stood up, smiling down at everyone. "I can't tell you guys how much this means to me," she said smiling brightly. "We are family, and that's evident when we are all together like this. I really can't tell you all how much I appreciate you being here to share this with Dawson and me. I just can't explain what it means to me to know that you all are going to be there with us on Saturday. It reminds me of everything that's important in my life. And now I'm going to shut up before I start to cry." She said down carefully, Dawson laying a gentle kiss on her cheek as he smiled at her.
Joey bit on her lip, a vain attempt to hide the emotion from her face. She glanced back at Pacey to find him watching her. Their eyes locked for a moment, so many things being said unspoken. The loudest of them all being the fact that they were lying to each other.
* * * * *
Jen smoothed down the wrinkles in her lavender gown as she stood in the bridal shop, examining herself in the full length mirror. As Joey emerged from the fitting room and stood next to her, she silently cursed herself for ever deciding to stand next to Joey wearing the same dress. She supposed, however, that what she lacked in beauty, she made up for in confidence.
"So what happened with Pacey?" Jen asked her.
Joey shrugged. "I can't talk about it right now."
"Things are really tense between you two still?" she asked.
"Worse," Joey replied.
"God, it's really hard for me to resist my urge to just lock you two in a room and let you get out all this damned repressed sexual energy," Jen stated.
Joey shrugged again. "Somehow I don't think it would help."
"You need to talk about it," Jen said wrapping her arm around Joey's shoulder. "Let's have lunch today, and we'll figure out what to do. We can put a banana in his tailpipe or something."
Joey laughed at Jen, carefully studying their reflections. They probably couldn't have been more opposite, but Joey had really grown to love Jen. Most importantly, she knew Jen would be the only one she could talk to about this. "Lunch it is," Joey nodded. "I think the Rainforest Cafe would be good. The thunderstorms are more than appropriate."
Both women stopped when they saw Andie step out of her dressing room. She was dressed in a beautiful white gown with a huge skirt. They both stepped to the side, allowing her to stand between them to look in the mirror.
"Wow," Jen said.
"You look great," Joey continued.
"You don't think it's too ostentatious, do you?" Andie asked. "The last thing I'd want to do is look pretentious like I've got some repressed urge to play princess on my wedding day. Not to mention I feel like a huge phony. I should've eloped when Dawson wanted to. This is ridiculous."
Joey laughed. Jen grabbed Andie at the shoulders. "Calm down, Andie."
"How can I possibly calm down?" Andie ranted, angrily stepping up on a box so the seamstress could take care of a few minor alterations. "I'm getting married." She stopped and smiled. "I'm getting married," she repeated, more gently this time.
"At least someone is," Joey mumbled, flopping down on a couch.
"Huh?" both Jen and Andie said in unison.
"Nothing," she snapped, crossing her arms.
"Why do you feel like a phony?" Jen asked Andie as she fluffed the fabric of her veil.
"Well, let's start with the wearing white thing," Andie mumbled, trying to keep the seamstress from hearing her, but still getting a small chuckle from the woman.
Jen laughed. "That's hardly true anymore, Andie."
"I know," Andie sighed. "But it's really strange considering I once slept with the best man."
Jen jumped back slightly, looking at Joey. Joey couldn't help but to be mildly amused, because Jen still thought that it had been Andie that Pacey had slept with on his last visit. She nearly chocked when Jen asked, "How is Pacey?"
"He seemed fine this morning," Andie shrugged.
Jen shook her head, laughing slightly. "No, I mean how is Pacey . . . you know, in bed."
Joey leant forward, resting her hand on her chin. She wanted to hear this.
"I can tell you that he was a great lover," Andie replied, seemingly unaffected by the question. "That was a long time ago, though."
Still is, Joey thought to herself. She was really stupefied that the conversation took this turn, but still enthralled.
"Frankly, I was disappointed I never got my chance with him," Jen said, referring their brief attempt at no-strings-attached sex. "I can only imagine. And now . . . well, who the hell knows?"
"Comments, Joey?" Andie asked, raising her eyebrow. "You're very quiet over there."
Joey shook her head, not saying anything.
"What's going on between you two?" Andie asked. "Why all the mystery at breakfast?"
"We had a little disagreement last night," Joey said, meeting Jen's eyes. "We just had a thing or two to talk about."
"It's okay isn't it?" Andie asked. "I'd hate to see you two fighting this weekend. There was enough of that when we were kids."
"It's not like that, Andie," Joey responded. "There's no need to worry."
"Good," Andie said with a nod. "I just want everyone to be as happy as I am."
Joey frowned. She doubted that would happen.
* * * * *
"Hook this for me?" Dawson asked, holding out his tie for Pacey.
"Sure, man," Pacey replied, hooking Dawson's necktie for him.
Dawson took a step back. "What do you think?"
"I think you're getting married, my man," Pacey said, patting Dawson on the shoulder before turning to look at himself in the mirror.
"Can I ask you a question?" Dawson asked.
"Sure," Pacey said, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt.
"What's going on between you and Jo?"
"We had an argument."
"About what?" Dawson asked. "You two seemed so tense this morning. And Joey nearly chewed my head off before breakfast."
"It was really little," Pacey lied. "I'm sure things will be fine tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever we see each other again."
"When are you going home?"
"Probably Monday. Mia wants to spend a day in Chicago."
"So what's up with you and Mia?" Dawson asked.
"Nothing," Pacey said, shaking his head. "Why do you have so many questions?"
"Well, just a few weeks ago, you told me things weren't going to last much longer, and now you're living together," Dawson observed.
Pacey shrugged. "Something happened you wouldn't understand, Dawson."
"Try me."
"I can't," Pacey said, heading back into the dressing room to put on his normal clothes. "I can tell you," he continued from behind the door, "that I'm not staying with Mia. I just haven't figured out how to let her go just yet."
"I think you and Joey should get together," Dawson said, ignoring the sound of Joey's voice in his head. Deep down he knew that they deserved each other.
"That's a little far-fetched, even for you, my friend," Pacey sighed, resting his head against the wall.
He didn't know how much more of this he could take.
* * * * *
Jen ignored her salad and looked at Joey anxiously. "So tell me what's going on," she said.
Joey sighed. "It's really a long story. But you read Pacey's book too."
"So this has to do with the book?"
"Only indirectly. But you were a little wrong in your assessment. Andie isn't Kylie, I am."
Jen's eyes widened. "What?"
"Don't act so surprised," Joey said. "You know that Pacey and I were together a little while in high school."
"Top secret, but yeah," Jen said. "And you've had sex with Pacey since then?"
"The last time Pacey was in town. Just like in the book," Joey replied.
"So you walked in, slept together, and left and never had even a small discussion?" Jen asked. "You just went back to life as normal?"
"Not exactly normal," Joey mumbled.
"What happened?"
"I wish I knew, but I don't, Jen. Basically . . . well, when I went to his apartment, I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to know that I had all these feelings about knowing that sometimes I just wanted to be with him. And I just wanted to be there with him. But when I looked at him, the words weren't there. And I kissed him and I just knew that I wanted him."
"So what happened?" Jen asked.
"It was beautiful," Joey whispered. "But . . . things were strange afterward. I think we both knew that it wouldn't work. And he had to go home."
"But you didn't want him to."
"You know me and Pacey. We couldn't make it work then, and we probably couldn't make it work now."
"I thought Dawson was the issue then?" Jen asked. "He won't care if you two wanted to be together now."
"I know, Jen, but . . . it's just not meant to be," Joey said. "You can't fight fate."
"Did you read all those beautiful things he wrote about you, Jo?" Jen asked softly. "He's in love with you."
"But he refuses to listen to me. He refuses to move here. He doesn't really want me, Jen. He just wants the idea of me."
"He called you the woman of his reality, the only person who could ever make you happy, the one he wants to be with when he old, the woman he wants to have his children. That doesn't sound like a man who doesn't want you," Jen said. "If anything, I think you're scared that he actually does."
"And what if we both realize how badly we want each other and it doesn't work out? I won't survive that," Joey replied.
"You'd rather never have the chance because you're afraid?"
"It already hurts when he's not here."
"So make it stop hurting," Jen said. "Tell him you want him."
"And if I said that I can't?" Joey asked.
"Then you're a damned fool," Jen replied.
* * * * *