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Living out loud by Kilby

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Chapter Notes

I'm happy to say that I've finally finished something! And I'm more than happy to say that I pulled this whole series off without any angst whatsoever, which a lot of people thought I couldn't do. Just don't get used to it.
"Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes?
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me every night?
Can we just feel this way together 'til the end of all time?
Can I just spend my life with you?

Can you run to these open arms when no one else understands?
Can we tell God and the whole world I'm your woman, you're my man?
Can you just feel how much I love you with one touch of my hand?
Can I just spend my life with you?"


-- Eric Benet and Tamia, Spend My Life With You

She dug her feet into the sand, as she thoughtfully watched him. She looked down at her half-drawn sketch and regretted not taking a picture of this instead: It would be the only real way to capture this moment in only the most remote way of doing it justice.

He was building her a castle, or at least, as he called it, the only castle he could give her on a cop's salary. It was a sand castle.

"How tall do you want this thing?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I'd probably want it to spread out rather than high up."

He nodded. "Lots of buildings in her majesty's kingdom."

"Why are you doing this, Pacey?" she asked, smiling.

"I thought you'd like it," he said. "Besides, I've always loved building sand castles."

"I remember," she said. "I used to stomp over them to make you mad."

"And it always worked," he laughed.

"Don't act like you didn't antagonize me," she said.

"Far from it, Miss Josephine," he said, drawing a careful line with a stick around the top of one of the taller piles of sand. "I just gave as good as I got."

She rolled her eyes. "And if I believe that, you can also sell me a bridge," she said.

He shrugged. "So perhaps I've matured with age."

"You have," she smiled.

"So you like me now?" he asked, playfully raising an eyebrow.

She sat down her sketch and knelt beside him. She linked her arm through his, looking into his eyes and smiling. "I always liked you," she said. "The difference is now . . . I love you."

He laid a soft kiss on her lips, afterward staying close to her and smiling. "Was that a ploy to get a bigger castle?"

She elbowed him in the ribs. "It's just like you to ruin a romantic moment with your sarcasm."

He laughed, kissing her again on her nose. "Anyone could've said 'I love you too, Jo.'"

"I guess that's why I don't want just anyone," she smiled.

He shook his head. "Are you going to finish that sketch, or am I just too irresistible?"

"You're resistible," she said. She stood up and walked back to the spot she'd been in just minutes ago, picked up her pad, and began sketching again. She pointed at the castle. "You should get back to work too," she said.

She smiled as he picked up his shovel and began to shape the sand again. Maybe he wasn't so resistible.

* * * * *

It felt good for her to be wrapped in his arms as they sat on the beach, watching yet another sunset. "So tell me something, Pace," she said quietly.

"What?" he asked.

"How did this happen?"

"What?"

"Us," she said. "How did we end up like this?"

"Are you not where you want to be?" he asked, seemingly hurt.

"No," she said, turning around to look him in the eye. "I'm exactly where I want to be. It's just . . . strange. I mean, I looked for someone like you for so long, and it was strange for me to find it in you. And I feel like this is such a delusion and it'll come crashing down around me any second."

He touched her chin softly. "Anything can happen," he said. "I know that. But we've already gotten through the hard, falling-in-love part. We can handle everything else."

"Well, one crisis is averted," she said slowly.

"What's that?"

"I got a call from the editor of the LA Times today. It looks like I've got a job as a photographer on staff."

"You're moving to LA?" he asked.

She nodded. "I mean, I've been thinking about coming back to the States for a long time, and even before . . . this, Dawson and I talked about me moving to LA. I had my interview before the wedding. So if you want me to . . ."

"You shouldn't even have to ask," he said softly. "You know I want you close by."

"Yeah, but this makes it . . . serious, and--"

"I want it to be serious," he interrupted.

"I know," she sighed. "It's just that I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, and--"

"You don't pressure me," he interrupted again. He pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled softly. "I love you, Jo," he said. "And I'm going to want to be around you all the time, to the point that you're going to get sick of me."

"Are you trying to make me realize how stupid I sound?" she asked. "Because, I know that I couldn't get sick of you. I just want to make sure that you're sure."

"I'm sure," he said. He leaned toward her and kissed her. "I'm very sure."

She kissed him again. "Good."

He smiled. "Very good."

* * * * *

She couldn't believe all the trouble Pacey had gone to. Earlier in the afternoon when he'd left to stock up for their last night in Catalina, she didn't realize he'd go to so much trouble.

He'd lit candles in the living room, and had some fabulous food delivered from some gourmet restaurant. And now he'd gone to get what he'd only termed as "a surprise."

She wasn't sure what it was, and she didn't even want to speculate. The week had been perfect, though, and she was a bit wary of going back to the real world. After their earlier conversation, though, she was glad they were going back to the world together. It seemed as though everything that could've gone wrong, just hadn't, and they were lucky that was the case.

He came inside and handed her a glass of wine. He pulled a package from under his arm and handed it to her, as he sat down at her side. "This of for you," he said, handing her the box wrapped in a floral paper with a soft purple ribbon.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Open it," he nodded.

She smiled, pulling the ribbon off carefully. Inside the box was what looked like a book. It was simple, just pages tied together by another purple ribbon. She opened the book and read off the first page. "I know this probably isn't brilliantly written, and I know I couldn't make it rhyme. But I hope it's enough to let you know how I feel. Love, Pacey." She looked up at him to smile.

"Read it," he said softly.

She turned the page and saw a picture of Dawson. She read aloud. "Once upon a time, there lived a blond man who was too nosy for his own good." She laughed as she turned the page, where there was another drawing she'd done of she and Pacey in the gazebo at the reception. "He had a plan to make his two best friends fall in love."

Joey turned the page and saw a photo she'd taken of a sunset. He must've had her pictures developed too. "In less than a week, the two had fallen completely in love." She turned the page again to see her sketch of his sand castle. "The man built her a castle," she read laughing, "and she, too, professed her love for him."

As she turned several blank pages, he said, "That's for what's left to come."

She brought her hand to her mouth and gasped as she reached the last page. There was a diamond ring tied in yet another purple ribbon. He got on his knee in front of her and smiled brightly. He wiped her tears before they had a chance to fall. "If you'll have me," he said, "I want to give you the happily ever after part. I may have been some English-flunking, town-loser, son-of-the-sherif, school skipping, self-depreciating kid when we were growing up, but I know that I made something of myself. And I want to share whatever I have--whatever I will have--with you."

He smiled at her again. "So what do you say, Jo? Marry me?"

She rested her hands on his cheeks and kissed him softly. "I wouldn't care if you were still skipping school, Pacey. You're selfless and brave and kind and you have the best heart that I've come across in a long time," she said firmly with a smile on her lips. "Yes," she whispered.

"Yes?" he asked. "Really?"

"Yes," she said. "Didn't you hear me the first time?"

He kissed her again. "Just make sure you don't change your mind."

"That'll never happen. You're stuck with me," she laughed.

* * * * *

The End
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